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Ask Dr. D. Brown Your Own Question

Dr. D. Brown
Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience:  21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
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I like this guy I meet at a coffee Shop the end of last summer,

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I like this guy I meet at a coffee Shop the end of last summer, I know he likes me too. We started going out the beginning of December. We went out on a couple lunch dates but the last month the only time we ever see each other is when we are both at the coffee shop or he is at my place having sex. I enjoy his company and he does too. I'm afraid to ask him wheather he wants a serious relationship or not. How do I approach this? We text each other almost everyday. He asks me how is my day?, Whats up?, and also calls me cute names like cupcake, baby, or cutie. We also text each other goodnight. He is 13 years older than me. He is 39 I'm 26. He has a 6 year old son. We both have complex schedules. He works from his computer, he does IT Consulting. I know he really likes me but I don't know what to think.

Dr. D. Brown :

Welcome. Please let me take a moment to review your question.

Dr. D. Brown :

I can certainly understand how it might be unclear on what the status of the relationship with your friend is. It sounds like it is confusing because, on one hand you are in contact every day by text, but on the other hand, the actual times and places you have been together are limited. This can certainly be perplexing. I would suggest gently inquiring about where he sees the relationship going in the future. You can do it in a kind way, without pressure, and more about just being curious. If he doesn't know, or needs time to think about it, I would give him that time, but making sure he knows you are interested in something more. This type of question can open up a deeper discussion about what both of you want and need, so you can have more conversation about it. But it's best to be prepared with either answer- if he doesn't want to be serious, how might you feel? And if he does, what would that look like? Talking these options over with a friend or even journaling about them can really help BEFORE the conversation. I hope this helps. I always appreciate a positive rating if you feel I have met your needs. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do. Take good care. Dr. Brown

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Customer: replied 3 years ago.

I agree with what you said. I also am afraid of going through it because it has a fear of rejection.

Yes, rejection is always a possibility, but it is better to find out now if you each want different things, because getting more attached to him could be even more painful the longer the relationship goes on. It sounds like it is already causing you stress to worry about the state of the relationship, so, in reality, it is already difficult on some level. I encourage you to speak your truth so you may find what you are truly looking for in a partner that can meet your needs.

Take good care. Dr. Brown

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