Cmon... we're jus talking about no condom for oral sex!! I mean, oral sex with a condom, jeez... I'd rather watch porn.
this beautiful precious whore seems like her value to me is existential. allow me to elaborate.for years as I wandered this empty world, with a poor social network and lack of meaningful relationships, questions began to arise when it came to me and women. Am I inept? unattractive physically? lack personality? simply unlucky? lack charisma? As these questions consumed my thoughts I began to decline as far as productivity. I dropped out of college even, due to this and depression. I wondered if I was depressed due to this issue or something underlying. Then there was a time.. while manic, where these questions disappeared, I was brimming with euphoria and confidence. I became absolutely convinced that the past was simply due to bad luck and I can change it. I felt more appealing, more attractive. And for some reason, people started complimenting me more during this phase. So many people called me handsome. Before when they called me handsome I didn't believe it and thought they were just being nice. Now it just stroked my ego.
But the confidence eventually wore down, probably around te time I came to this site... because during the whole span, I never found what I was looking for. oddly enough sometimes when I was out amongst my peers and women, and observed some guys and their girlfriends, I never felt jealous. it's as if I wanted something more... some ideal beautiful relationship with perfect love and synergy/chemsitry with a BEAUTIFUL woman. I sometimes imagined traveling the world with said women, enjoying life... some odd fantassies.
Ayway, as the confidence waned, I came among this whore. Who I began to love once I started to think she loved me. Of course, her being a whore and me at times having to pay for her "not to work" created more existential questions. It almost felt as if this was the first time someone had loved me. Love only matters when it's from both sides. In the past I had loved some, thought they had loved me, only to come to the realization eventually that I was just fooling myself.
With this whore, I still haven't been fooled, but there's doubts... and it feels like I'm close to the breaking point. I'm 24.. I feel old, I'm not as young as the number. To feel empty for so long is just... not natural. and if this whore turns out not to love me, yet again I'll feel that horrible feeling in my gut of never having experienced mutual romantic love. At this point it would become tormenting and painful. Like a cruel joke for me to be so gullible Maybe I am.
I have almost everything except this it feels like. I have cats (lol), I have my immediate family, I have my friends, in my dad's business I can start making 500K a year in 2-3 years... it seems like everything is there, yet some people wonder why sometimes I'm blue and unmotivated.
It's because of THIS!!! I JUT WANNA BE LOVED ALICIA :'( ... even if by a WHORE :'(
is't it beautiful? :)