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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question

Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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I am going to ask thi question in 2 different sections, I have

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I am going to ask thi question in 2 different sections, I have live with a woman for 12 years she had a child that's about nineteen, I would like to know some of the pro/cons of having children later in like for here at like ages 36, 37 , 38 ?? I have lived and supposed her child from a preious marraige for about 12 years now and she is hesitant to have a new born a her age 35 or in the next couple of years ??

Thoughts ??
Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Her hesitancy is related to her own psychological reasons --- whatever they are. Of course, I cannot say what they are, not knowing her. As long as she has no hormonal/gynecological problems there shouldn't be any reason for her not wanting to have a child. In today's day and age more and more women are putting off having children until they are older.
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

we have been together for about 12 years and she has wanted to get married and have children in the past, but for many reasons I didnt feel that we were ready for that jump and now that it is something I am interested in I keep getting well if we would have had a child 5 years ago it would be 10 when she turns fourty.


She has some female health issues along with some others she had ovarian blood sists and ultimately one for her ovaries were removed

Sorry, I just posted a long reply and it got deleted. I'll write it again.
The question then is, what does her gynecologist say. Is her hesitancy about the fact that she has had these problems? The issue as far as I am concerned has not to do with her age. Nowadays so very many have children later in life. I did --- and that wasn't nowadays. My children are both healthy, happy and I had zero problems at birth. I wanted to wait until I finished my education --- I had a long road --- 17 years post my Bachelor of Arts degree. I had my son at almost 38 and my daughter at almost 41. Having finished my education I was able to devote a lot of time to them.Both are successful -- a doctor and a lawyer. So having them at a late age did not impede.
So for your girlfriend, maybe the two of you need to sit down with her gynecologist if, and I say if the gynecological reasons are her concern. You may want to ask this question of a gynecologist giving them the information that you just gave me.
Again I see that what I posted did not appear here. So I will say it again. Because of the ovarian cysts and the removal of one of her ovaries, the first step is to for both of you to meet with her gynecologist. One always must rule out organicity first. Then, if her gynecologist says that there is no reason not to have a baby then you and she need to speak about what her hesitancy is about. If having a discussion between the two of you is not sufficient, then maybe a consultation with a couples therapist so that there will be a third objective person present to help make the decision.
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