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jadt65
jadt65, Multisystemic Therapy
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Provided relationship counseling for more than 20 years for people in every stage of life.
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My 2 year, her dad and his new girlfriend

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I have a 2 year old baby girl. We went to visit her dad's mother. As we were visting the baby's father come over to spend time with out 2 year and he brought over hisnew girlfiend. In which I knew nothing about and he never mention to me. I did asked him before and he always denied he had a gf. My question I was a little shocked when she walked in know when he has a girlfriend because he seems to make plans witht he baby and breaks them with a phone or text.   We statrted to talk after a few minutes of her being there. She asked if my daughter and her 9 month year granchild could have a playdate once her granddaughter makes one. I did not give a yes or no answer..but a oh type of answerr. I wanted to if I should mention this to her father that our daughter will not arounf random girlfriend he has because I dont know her. She will be the 2nd girlfriend I have so far in my baby almost 2 years of living . I told the last time I did not our daughter around any woman he was married to them. He has a tactic of using woman because they have home and he is currently unemployed. He finds that last temporaily for a few months then get laid off again. How do I handle this?  I really don't believe   she knew that I did nto knw about her because when I meet her I was a little stand offish.  My baby girl seems to take to his girlfriend pretty well and she has never meet his gf before.  She has not seen her dad in  about 3 months or so..and now I have not received child support since October last year as well.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  jadt65 replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

Thank your for using Just Answer.

I can appreciate that this is difficult situation. The boundaries around dad's girlfiredns need to be established with dad. I suggest that you make it clear to dad that visitation with his daughter is for him to spend time with his daughter. At age 2, your daughter will be aware of dad's friends coming and going and it might be confusing to her.

As far as the playdate with paternal grandmother's other grandchild, I think this would be fine since the children are cousins. You night want to suggest that you tag along for the first couple of playdates to make sure the children get along ect. Developmentally, there is a difference between the social skills of a 1 year old and 2 year old, so it might be necessary to keep the play date short.

I would not get into the issue of dad's girlfriends with his mother. She is liekly to think she needs to comne to his defense and night harm the relatiosnhip that you have with her.

Please let me know if thise answers your question. If so, please accept my answer and rate my service. Please let me know if I need to clarify anything.

Best,

Julie

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Please clarify: I need to know how do I mention this or what do I say to her father about not having random girlfriend's around the baby. And no..it's my baby daddy girlfriend that wants to set up the playdate for her granddaughter,

Expert:  jadt65 replied 1 year ago.

Hi,

I apologize if I misread your question.

I would set up a time that you and your daughter's father can talk without your daughter being present. Let him know that the purpose of visitation is for him to spend with his daughter. You can mention that it is confusing for her to have his "friends" come and go out of her life.

I would consider it a boundary violation to set up a play date with dad's girlfriend's grand-daughter. It could put you and your daughter in an awkward situation if dad and the girlfriend had an argument. Additionally, there is a bot of a safety issue since you really do not know this woman.

Please let me know if this answers your question. If so, please accept my answer and rate my service. Please let me know if I need to clarify anything.

Best,

Julie

jadt65, Multisystemic Therapy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 119
Experience: Provided relationship counseling for more than 20 years for people in every stage of life.
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