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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Well, Ive been divorce for almost 3 years was married for

Resolved Question:

Well, I've been divorce for almost 3 years was married for 9. It's been rough without my spouse. We have one kid together. Well since my divorce I've been very sad and angry. I did not want her to leave me. Though I've dated some women since then, I still think about my ex-wife. I was very hurt when she got pregnant by another man. Well when i talk to her i feel ashamed of what she did and have ill feelings towards her. I really don't respect her and sometimes degrade her. I feel better when i do this, but then i feel very bad. I don't like being like this; it's not who I am, but she deserves it. It's just very difficult getting her out of my heart. She did very bad things to me and i don't know why i still love her. What can I do to alleviate this hurt and rancor? Thank You.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 4 years ago.

jenhelant :

Hi

jenhelant :

I would like to try and help you.

jenhelant :

I understand how painful this must be as you loved her a lot. The reason why you feel good when you degrade her is because you are getting all of your hurt out. Then you feel better later on since that is not who you are. There really is no quick fix for you to get over this pain. Time is what really will heal you. There are things you can do to cope with the pain. Some good things would be to

jenhelant :

not dwell on the pain. Replace all negative with positive. Do not compare new women to her. Think about yourself and be selfish a little in a good way, such as taking

jenhelant :

time to do things you may have not gotten to do in a while. Also, starting new healthy activities and hobbies you may have had an interest in. Do things that you enjoy that make you feel good. I do not know how much time you have on your hands, but volunteering is an excellent way to help ither

jenhelant :

others while also taking your mind off of your own issues. All of these are good ways to cope. I would also recommend self help books and counseling as well. If I can help you further please reply when you are back online. Also, in the future you can request me if you like for any new questions. I trulyy hope you

jenhelant :

feel better. Stay positive even when it is difficult. I guarantee things will get better.

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