I would like to try and help you.
I understand how painful this must be as you loved her a lot. The reason why you feel good when you degrade her is because you are getting all of your hurt out. Then you feel better later on since that is not who you are. There really is no quick fix for you to get over this pain. Time is what really will heal you. There are things you can do to cope with the pain. Some good things would be to
not dwell on the pain. Replace all negative with positive. Do not compare new women to her. Think about yourself and be selfish a little in a good way, such as taking
time to do things you may have not gotten to do in a while. Also, starting new healthy activities and hobbies you may have had an interest in. Do things that you enjoy that make you feel good. I do not know how much time you have on your hands, but volunteering is an excellent way to help ither
others while also taking your mind off of your own issues. All of these are good ways to cope. I would also recommend self help books and counseling as well. If I can help you further please reply when you are back online. Also, in the future you can request me if you like for any new questions. I trulyy hope you
feel better. Stay positive even when it is difficult. I guarantee things will get better.