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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1137
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Hi Jen, Please read the paragraph below - this is what Im

Resolved Question:

Hi Jen,
Please read the paragraph below - this is what I'm going to tell him, although because I will do it in my own words without reading it, there will be slight variations:

"Someone I know asked to see that Birthday card I made for you. So I forwarded it to him. I didn’t expect that he will pick your email address there and use it. I asked to see what he sent you but he wouldn’t show me. But now I am more concerned about how he stole your email address and used it than being concerned on what he sent you. I should have cut the thread of email. But I wasn’t expecting he would do anything like that. I’m telling you this because I want you to know that I do not give out people’s information to others especially yours. I apologize, I did not mean for him to you’re your information just like that. He knows I was upset with what he did. My feelings are sacred to me and I don’t want it tampered or anything. If what he did upset you or anything, I really am sorry. That’s all, will you forgive me?"
[Maybe I will tease him and will say:]
"What can I do for you to forgive me? Maybe I can come to your house and clean your bedroom, do your laundry or give you a massage . . ." lol.
If there is any sentence that should not be said, please let me know. I will talk to him from the heart so this is not exact. If you have any additions or revisions, please let me know. Thanks.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I think what you wrote sounds good and from the heart. I would not change anything except for maybe instead of "what can I do for you to forigve me" maybe say "what can I do to make it up to you". But either one would be fine.

Just something I thought about maybe I mentioned it already in the past and forgive me if I did, but is there any chance that your friend was messing with you and never really did email Kent, so Kent knows nothing. Is there any chance of that?

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Thanks, Jen. "What can I do to make it up to you?" sound a lot better. Thank you so much.


 


Regarding my friend Walter, he said "He knows that you like him, a little birdie told him." I said "You can't tell him, you don't know his number." He said: "I have his email address, remember?" When I asked him "I need to see what you wrote him." He won't show me what he wrote. He was mad at me because I was upset at him and said that he did nothing wrong. He just want to end my stress, if Kent would know then I will get my answer whether Kent feels the same way or not. My senses tell me that he really sent Kent an email. The next time, I asked Walter again what he said, he said what he wrote was "She liked you for a long time now and if you REALLY like her, ask her out on a date."


That point I realize that Walter wasn't kidding, that he really sent the email to Kent.


Regarding Walter, I stopped talking to him. He started to tell me that he is so lonely and wants me. I started to think over the past conversations with him, he said I was cute and asking why I like Kent and why not him whose eyes look normal. He told me many times that I should stop wasting time with that jerk. I am worried now that Walter might sabotage the situation between me and Kent.


To answer your question, I believe Walter actually sent an email. But because he won't show me, he must have said other things. Not sure, so it will be perfect to tell Kent that Walter stole the email address and maybe tell Kent that I don't communicate to Walter anymore.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Yes, I think it is best to do that. Anyway you will be covering your end.

It does sound like Walter really sent the email, but since you told me XXXXX XXXXXkes you I was thinking what if he never sent the email and told you he did because he wants you to think Kent never asked you out in response to Walter's emails, so you will think he doesn't like you then you may consider Walter. Just a thought. Or maybe like you said he said other things to sabotage and that is why he doesn't want to show you.

Either way it is best to clear your end with Kent and you may even get some answers in regards XXXXX XXXXX the email said. Anyway Kent will see you had nothing to do with it and sorry for letting him see the email. You have a good plan.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1137
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Kent came to our office today. I told him about what Walter did, although I just said "someone" I did not tell Kent the name. I wasn't gonna tell him but he asked about it. I decided not to, but because he asked about it, I have to tell him. I asked that we go outside, there's a part of the building where there's no people. So I started telling him but I got nervous and I forgot a lot of the details. All I said: "There is someone I showed your birthday card to but he stole your email address and sent you something. I asked him to show me what he sent you but he wouldn't. show me I don't really care what he sent you or whether he really sent you something or not, all I want to tell you right now is that I don't give people's information to others. I'm sorry, it's partly my fault because I should have cut the thread of the email but he took your address from there and must have sent you something."


Kent said that a lot of people has his email, so he doesn't really care and he didn't really receive anything.


We talked about it a little bit more, he was talking about receiving "cookies" but doesn't really recall getting anything.


I said it was a "little" reckless of me, but I wasn't expecting he would do that. Kent said "don't worry about it." And he smiled and I smiled, I was so happy, I hugged him and he hugged me back.


I don't remember what else we talked about, we hugged the second time for a longer period. I didn't want to let him go, but I woke up my senses and released him. It's interesting that the longer I held him the longer he did held me.


Because he already said everything is okay, I did not tell him about the "I will make it up to you" part. Now, thinking about it, I should have said that. I will still use that dialogue next time. I really want to see his reaction when I say that part. You might be right about Walter not really sending him anything, or he ignored it because he does not recognize the sender or it went straight to junk mail.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Wow that seemed to go very well. That hug seems like a HUGE step in the direction where you want to be going. Seems you are luring him little by little, so your plans are working. These two hugs definitely crossed the lines of just business associates. No let's see how he proceeds, but I am so happy for you that you have gotten some reaction out of him. Sounds like he is probably insecure within himself to believe you like him as much as you do.

The email issues itself turned out well whatever the reason. Good thing it did not get to him regardless the reason even though he would have let it go anyway probably.

Do you have any new plans or are you just planning to see if Kent will take any initiative now?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


If you recall from the beginning, I have plans to (1) help him in his bookkeeping, (2) join any clubs with him or whichever he is already on, etc. (3) to be his friend and assist him with his needs, sometimes he's got no time to just drop off a "network server unit" to a place. I can do those (4) Be his secretay/assistant. You know a lot of bosses married their secretaries, bec guys like it when the woman is submissive to them and not trying to be equal to the men or even worse trying to dominate.


Tax season is coming up, I will ask him if he will need any help organizing his receipts for his expenses then along the way as we get really very comfortable with each other, I will talk about clubs or organizations he is in and I can join or we can join together - the ones with activities like hiking, biking, travel, etc. or anything we could do together outside of business. Do you know any clubs? We'll not sure we're you're from, we're both in Orange County, Southern California.


See, the 4 options above can be done step by step. When he agrees to get help from me with his receipts, I can slowly be his assistant and secretary and he will be dependent on me.


I mentioned to you before, when I flirt in the emails (business emails) he does not really respond? But when I sent him flirting message from my personal email, he answers back.


Today, (or yesterday), he was trying to be away from me in the office - when we were laughing about something, I tried to touch his shoulder and he kind of leaned away from me to avoid my hand. I was a little insulted but I hope it's only because we're in the office. What do you think?


He could have not hugged me back and not prolonged the second hugging if he does not want to lead me on, but when we were alone together, he was all on me. I'd like to think it that way.

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I remember and think that is a good plan. I do think he backed away due to being in the office just as he doesn't answer the business emails. He could be afraid to be unprofessional or lose his business with the company. Also, his actions are different in private such as with the private emails and especially the hugs. Also, we now know that he never received the email therefore he was not ignoring that email or not wanting to ask you out. Those doubts now can be removed. I also agree with you that I don't see why he would have prolonged that hug if he was not interested.

I can do some research for you to look for some clubs in your area.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1137
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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