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Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1474
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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I have been engaged to a man for the past 6yrs. He seems avoidant

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I have been engaged to a man for the past 6yrs. He seems avoidant everytime we get close to commitment discussions. He has used every method of avoidance to total silence when we get to the subject. What shall I do? I am totally commited in this relationship
I am confused too. Engaged for 6 years??? What is that about? Obviously he does not want to marry you. He is fine how things are. It seems as though you want the next step. Sadly, it won't be with him. Maybe the best thing to do is accept that this is all he can give you and be happy with that. Is this acceptable to you?
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

Thanks for youkr makes sense given the circumstances. Is there anything else I can do to save this relationship.? I have invested a lot in this. And why would he not say if he was no longer interested.. there is no evidence he is seeing anybody else..what could be the problem?

Having a discussion with him would be the best, XXXXX XXXXX he totally avoids the issue then I see this as not being his issue, but yours. YOU need to decide for yourself if you want to continue to be in a relationship with someone who does not want to have open lines of communication with you and explain things to you. It appears by what you describe that he may be satisfied with the way things are and does not feel the need to be legally married. There could be many many reasons for his hesitation. Could it be financial reasons, his own personal "fear" of commitment, another person in his life that you aren't aware of???? You see, there are many what if's and it forces you to come up with your own (likely inaccurate) conclusion of what his real issue is. The only way to know what the problem could be, is for him to sit down and tell you. I would advise you to put your focus more on what your needs are and whether or not those needs are being met in the relationship. If not, how long will you wait for him to get married? Another six years? Like I said, having a healthy discussion with him about what his needs are and what your needs are would be best, XXXXX XXXXX he is unwilling to do this then you are left with the only other option of determining what it is you need to do for yourself. Again, if he is unwilling to talk to you about something this important now (your future together as a married couple)...if you finally do get married, what are the important things he won't talk to you about then? I hope this has been helpful information for you. Best of luck to you.
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