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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1690
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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i have been talking with a previous boyfriend from 28 years

Customer Question

i have been talking with a previous boyfriend from 28 years ago.
we have been talking once a week for the last 6 months. he lives 3 hours away and we have only seen each other 4 times in the last 6 months. he just wants to be friends for now but i want us to start dating. he does not give me much hope that it will progress to anything else. how long should i wait before giving up
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 4 years ago.
Why give up? You can't be friends with him?
Customer: replied 4 years ago.

what other information do you need?


 

Expert:  Jean replied 4 years ago.
Hello, sorry to keep you waiting. Wow you have been apart for many years- 28 years! You all have a lot of catching up to do. I do have a couple questions. How did you reconnect, and who initiated the contact? What makes you believe he's only wanting to be friends? Have you had a direct conversation about the intentions of the contact. He tells you he wants to be friends... but sounds a bit mysterious, I would suspect there is some attraction or interest there. The best thing to do is to be very direct about how you are feeling. It takes courage to ask those questions, but then you would have a better idea if you are wasting your energy on "hoping" something will come of it. He wants to be friends "for now", that certainly leaves things open, doesn't it! I think it's worth your time to ask him some honest and direct questions verses wait. It's hard to know how long you'd be waiting for him- you can take a more active role and ask the questions, and then determine if you simply want to be friends, or if you want to cut those ties. If he tells you "for now", you may want to tell him, again, your feelings are more than friends, but that you do not plan to wait around- to be on hold. Some other person may come along and you may miss a golden opportunity if you "wait" for this man. Have courage and ask him those questions. You may consider putting it in writing to get in order what you'd like to say, then talk to him. Another option would be to write him a "love" letter. Is he "available" for a relationship or is he now in another relationship?

I look forward to your response- thank you for your post today.

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