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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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Hi, I am 20 years old and my boyfriend broke up with me after

Resolved Question:

Hi,
I am 20 years old and my boyfriend broke up with me after a 4 year relationship. HE said he had had the worst summer of his life as I started a new job, neglected him and started getting attracted to other men. I was seeing him as the enemy as because of his family events I had not had time to study and cause of that I had resits in summer. I confessed to having feelings for other men and I asked one of them out to coffee even though I did not go. Throughout the relationship there was a lot of fighting but we always came through. Now that I lost him, I realize he meant more to me than I thought and I want to get him back. I would do things differently this time. Everyone around me says that it is hopeless to get him back but I still have hope, am I a fool to still love him and still am determined to do whatever it takes to get him back? No one seems to want to support me on this!
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

It seems as if you are fighting a losing battle.

You are attached to him, but the relationship did not really work.

This was a first love. It was practice but you have been at it since you were 16, and now it is time to have a relationship with someone that is not based on emotions that began when you were just coming out of childhood.

Your new relationship will be more mature.

Your friends know you, and this time I believe that they are giving you good advice.

You are not a fool for still loving him, but just a young woman not wanting to face the grief of having lost a long standing relationship.

I urge you to move forward with your life. You will soon get over this grief.

Put away your mementos and pictures and let this fade. You will meet lots of others, and one or a few great ones.

Be strong, close this chapter, and move forward. It is the only way to go. If not, you will remain stuck.

I wish you great strength.

Warm regards,

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dear Elliott,


You are most probably right, but people get together every day, and this ex boyfriend of mine was the one who wanted to go out with me in the first place and he chased me long and hard. He was the one who always made an effort. I thought that I at least owed to it myself to do my best to get him back. Honestly I have a lot of important exams this month, and I just can't seem to focus without having a plan regarding him. I have had other relationships when i was younger, some I left, some left me, but this one was different, we had planned a life together. I just can't function without him.

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Dear Claire,

Thanks for getting back to me.

It seems that you are suffering from the initial stage of grief over this loss, which is denial.

This will turn to anger when you see that he is not wanting to come back. If he changes his mind, he will, but you have to play the role of being a 20 year old woman with important responsibilities that you have to succeed at despite your grief and pain.

You actually CAN function without him, and you must prove it to yourself by sitting these exams and succeeding well.

You will have other disappointments in life and now is the time to face up to them.

Right now you cannot change his thinking and behavior. All you can control is your own. Find the strength and maturity to do this and do not sabotage yourself. It will not gain his sympathy nor bring him back.

Throw your energy into your work and make sure you will succeed. Be a winner and succeed despite the obstacles you feel are there.

This is a test of gaining maturity and I wish you the strength and pass this important step in your personal growth.

God bless,

Elliott
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7663
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
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35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.