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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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I found 2 condoms in my husbands car. They are not old based

Resolved Question:

I found 2 condoms in my husband's car. They are not old based on the expiration date. We have been married for 17 years and do not use condoms. I also was told by someone else that my husband was with another woman at a friends house and that my son was there. Should I confront my son to confirm my suspicions
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I would like to help, but I have a question first in order to help you better. Why would you like to ask you son first is it to see if the condoms were his?

Thanks so much,
Jennifer

I will await your response.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


My daughter is the one I asked 1st because she had drove her dad's car for awhile.


 


My son is the one that I had heard was at the friend's house and that his dad was with some other woman and that he should know about her.


 


I had found a condom before in my husband's car and he denied that one saying it was a friend's. So I know he will deny them. This was in another vehicle.


 


This time I found them in a vehicle that used to be his dad's that died 3 yrs ago. I have been in the vehicle since his dad had died and they were not there before.


 


I am wanting to know do I ask my son about the time out at this friend's house. Obviously if this did happen and he knows, he has kept it secret from me

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

Thanks for explaining. I understand why you would want to ask your son and that does make sense since will clear things up. I just think if he is a minor it would be best to not get him involved. These things can cause a lot of stress even on teenage children. He may then feel responsible and feel stuck in the middle. Also, if he does know something and he did not tell you it is a sign that he could be protecting his Dad, did not know what was going on, or not wanting to get involved, so if you do ask it may not help anyway. My advice would be to talk to your husband about it. If he is going to deny it he may deny it anyway. Communication is important and what makes sense. He can try to nuzzle his way out of it, but if it doesn't make sense to you than most likely it is not true especially since this is the second incident. I would also be concerned about the fact even if it was his friends. Why would his friend be leaving that there, so either way it raises suspicions. Getting back to you son if you wanted to talk with him about it to see why he was keeping it from you and discuss that issue I do not see that as a problem, but I would try not to use him as a middle person between you and your husband. However, discussing why he is hiding it from you in order to work that out with your son would be beneficial for you and your son. Also, making him realize he does not need to hide things and best to be honest with both parents rather than protecting negative behvior unless he knew nothing.

I wish you well and please let me know if I can be of further help.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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