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Ask Karin Samms Your Own Question

Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I dated this guy at the beginning of the semester. He wanted

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I dated this guy at the beginning of the semester. He wanted to have sex with me, or at least do things with me, less than a month into the relationship. I'm a virgin, and I was slightly embarrassed about it because he was not a virgin. So I used every excuse in the book to explain my apprehension about getting in bed with him. He eventually broke up with me without giving me an actual reason why. I got very upset, slammed the door and did my own thing for awhile. I was never mean to him after the night of the break-up (mainly because I felt like I'd overreacted that night), but we never saw each other except in passing. But some time later, he approached me at a party and started talking to me. He told me that he was going upstairs to take shots with his friends but that I was sleeping in his room tonight. I drunkenly agreed, and we started talking about our relationship once we were alone. He said that the break-up had nothing to do with him not liking me. However, he admitted that the fact that I wouldn't put out was part of the reason why he ended it. So my problem is this: I can't help but feel like I'd still be dating him if I would've just sucked it up and slept with him. But I think that I have a slight case of vaginismus because I freak out whenever a guy tries to finger me and have never been able to use tampons. I still really like him and want to get back together with him. Is it worth seeking help for this problem, or should I just forget about him and take pride in my virginity?
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

Please give me a moment while I read through your question carefully and prepare an excellent answer for you. I shall respond very soon. Regards, Karin
Customer: replied 3 years ago.

By the way, I'm 18 years old and a college freshman.

No problem, thank you for the additional information.
Please give me a short while to write you something back.
Hi there again,

You may want to seek some professional help for vaginismus, it can be treated. Here's a web link for you to have a look at:

Furthermore, I believe that you have a great resilience and I totally respect you for it. Not any young women your age would hold off and protect their feelings the way you have to date. Whether you want to sleep with this guy or not ha to be a choice and certainly not something you should do out of pressure to be 'dating' a guy. (If a guy cannot wait for you, then perhaps he's not the one...).

You truly need to feel comfortable about losing your virginity and moving into the world of experiencing sex/making love. If you are currently experiencing pain below then it really is something that needs to be checked out. Do you have a female doctor? If not, could you ask for one and explain how you're feeling and how it's impacting on relationships or even having the confidence to beginning one? I wonder if you have a university school counselor where you are? Perhaps you could go talk to a female counselor and she could point you in the right direction locally.

You have nothing to be/feel ashamed about and 'giving it up' is for YOU to decide and no guy who says he really likes you - if you know what I mean?

You look after yourself and never sell yourself short for anyone nor anything, you sound like an intelligent and articulate woman - you deserve better than that.

Good luck and I hope you get the support medically and emotionally that you need and deserve. Please accept my answer if my response has been helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.

Kind regards, Karin
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hi there,
Just touching base with you and wondering how you got on with my response. How have things been going with your medical situation, have you managed to contact any services?
I do hope all is well with you; you know where I am if you need further assistance or support, just put "Hi Karin.." at the start of any new questions and I will do my best to help you :)
Take care, Karin

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