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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1420
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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Hello, I am a 48 years old Asian female who works as a rehab

Customer Question

I am a 48 years old Asian female who works as a rehab counselor for the last 8 years. About five months ago, I have a client who is a young 26 years old Caucasian male came in to apply for services. He has a noted drug abuse background, Anxiety and depressive issues. He came in with his mother for the first intake interview in August 2012 and soon after that he called on the phone and asked about his case. At first I treated him just like any other clients and we spoke a few times then back in November I informed him he did not provide enought information so I had to close his case. Soon after that he emailed me and said what he really want is to see me again and maybe I can come over on my off day. At this time this young man is living with his mother & step dad and he has no car. So I kind of ignore his email and went on emailed him back how he can reopen his case. To make long store short he asked me to come and see him which I did for the purpose of reopening his case. At his house, he told me he liked my alot that I was very nice to him and we talked for awhile at first. We later kissed each other he wanted to do more than just kissing at that time I said I had to leave. He wanted to know if we can talk again and contact again. I was hesitated to give my cell phone so I told him to contact my work number. So the next two weeks he called and talked to me then at the end of the two weeks he started to call me less and no longer emailing like he was doing. He started asking me what do I do on the weekends and where my kids are that he has not met them. Needless to say, we only communicate when I'm at work as I still want to treat him as a client and not a personal friend. I realized that I began to develop this feeling for him and do not know what I need to do. When I asked him how he feels about me he said he really liked me alot that he miss me and wants to see or talk to me. He also knows there is an age difference between us but I did not tell him my exact age. We talked on the phone but seen each other only four times since August and when I asked him if he is looking for a girfriend, he said "sort off". Please let me know what do you think of this and whether or not I should continue seeing or talking to him or just end the relationship. Thank you. Somehow we only he was very much as businessI he called and oand aThe case addition BacAbout a m
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. If you see a conflict in interest with this situation, then you should end it, however, if you do have some level of feelings for him and feel as though it won't interfere with your work, then I don't see anything wrong with at least getting to know him a little better. It sounds as though you haven't really gone on a date or done much of anything at this point which shows a seriousness, so if you want to pursue something with him to see where it leads, I don't see a problem there. There are no rules with these types of situations and you have to do what you feel in your head and your heart is the right thing to do.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1420
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 2 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Actually, his case has been closed so technically he is not my current client. What I really wanted to know is based on your expert opinion, does he really wants to get serious with me given our age differences. What I forgot to mention was that he was not much acting physically with the exception of our first meeting at his house. A week ago, he got a car and he went to see me at the office and we talked in his car. Does he only treat me like a friend? Thank you.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Age differences can be tricky. it depends on both of your long term goals and the ideas you have for the relationship. A problem usually arises when a couple gets together and one wants children or other things that would effect the future. If the relationship is just going to be casual for now, then that is a different story. Think things through. Think about the future long term and what your goals for a relationship are. He has to do the same. You probably look very young for your age, you said he is not aware of your actual age. There is nothing that says you can't go out a few times and talk about things. Learn about each other and then determine if the age will be a problem or not. For some, it is not a big deal.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

What I noticed about him is his change of behavior toward me from the first time versus couple of weeks later. As I mentioned, He wanted to go all the way the first time at his house. Later, he met me and just basically talked and only kissed me back when I kissed him. What do you think prompted this change? Thank you.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Possibly respect. He was probably feeling the situation out and when you resisted, he drew back a bit.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

OK one more question. Do you think at this point if he actually loves me? I know it is kind of early but he kept saying he is so happy to see me or talk to me. He is not verbally expressive though. Are there any signs to show there is love at this point? Thank you.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Love, I would say not, but everyone has their own definition. I do think it is a bit early to call it love. A deep affection and respect, probably. Love is a lot deeper than that. True love is, anyways.

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