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Dr.G.
Dr.G., Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1492
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist in the state of Minnesota
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Hi Ive been seeing a guy for about 4 months 2 of them he worked

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Hi Ive been seeing a guy for about 4 months 2 of them he worked away he has a sister who is dieing and works long hours. we broke off for about a week then got back together he said lets take this slowly I see him twice a week and we talk most days. He said I made it all about sex thats why he broke it off I didnt realise I did that. What does taking it slow mean?

Dr.G. :

Hi. I'd like to help if I can.

Customer:

Hi thank you

Customer:

Im trying to work out if im being played or not

Dr.G. :

So "taking it slow" means something different to each individual. So he said you "made it all about sex". Sounds like he wants more than just that. Having a discussion with him and asking him maybe to describe to you what taking it slow would look like.

Dr.G. :

Some people might think taking it slow is being intimate 3 times a week rather than daily. others mean no sex for months.

Customer:

Yes he said I put pressure on him when it came to sex I didnt realise I did that but have backed off now.

Customer:

I only see him a couple times a week I would like more but dont want to pressure him

Dr.G. :

Well, i think that's great that you listened to his feelings and have responded to him accordingly.

Dr.G. :

Sounds perhaps he is going through some stressful times right now.

Customer:

Yes he made me look at myself which is a good thing. He has a lot on his plate yes.

Customer:

The thing is to I called last night no answer that has happened a few times and I get a bit suss as he doesnt like it when he calls me and i miss a call

Dr.G. :

Having a discussion with him about how he would like to proceed slowly might be good if you haven't gotten clarification on this from him yet.

Customer:

So that wont put pressure on him

Customer:

he also has a girl a freind that he talks to on a dating site even though he is hiden so know one else can see him. Im not happy about that but says i cant tell him what to do

Customer:

which I wasnt I just said Im not happy about that

Dr.G. :

Maybe telling him you understand that he would like to take things slow and that you realize that for him things were apparently going too fast and that you want to ensure that you don't put pressure on him. Then ask him to tell you if there are specific things you can do to go slower. I don't think that is putting pressure on him. Calling or texting or emailing him several times a day about it wouldn't be good. Wait, I just saw your information about a girlfriend that he has. I would be quite concerned about that if I were you.

Customer:

I have male freinds too just freinds he said they are freinds and has informed me about them. I said well text her he said she doesnt like to use her credit

Customer:

He said he has known her for a long time

Dr.G. :

i see, well, it still bothers you.

Customer:

It does as he has another freind that wants more and he has said no then finished the freindship but he said he saw her the other night. He thinks her sister puts her up to it

Dr.G. :

I would at least have that discussion with him and go from there.

Customer:

so I should talk to him about it

Customer:

He is telling me about it and he couldve said nothing

Dr.G. :

if it bothers you and it also depends on how invested you are in the relationship i would say

Customer:

Ive invested a lot so suppose its better to talk about it

Dr.G. :

I think so. I think its also important to really know how you are feeling about him and how fast or slow you are taking things. If you get the feeling that he is just brushing you off or you don't feel that he is treating YOU fairly, then really consider continuing in the relationship.

Customer:

Ok thank you that is what Ive been thinking thanks

Customer:

I will rate you now

Dr.G. :

thank you, XXXXX XXXXX you the best!

Customer:

thanks

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