How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy Your Own Question

Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5401
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Kate McCoy is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Kate, I hope you are well today. I met with a therapist

Customer Question

Kate,
I hope you are well today. I met with a therapist yesterday. He seemed ok, which surprised me having not so great experiences with finding a good one in my area.
Some comments he made were that my husbands behaviors were passive aggressive, deliberate, hostile and that he is denying my experiences of his behavior. He said its ok to do his own thing, but not at the expense of the marriage. What struck me hard was when he said he is not interested in emotional connection with
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
Hi Dee, I'm doing great, thank you! It's nice to talk with you again.

I'm glad you had a good experience with your new therapist. He sounds very insightful.

When a relationship changes like yours did, some of the issues that were able to be pushed aside or ignored before suddenly become noticeable. When you became ill, what probably was already there in your marriage came out. What caused it to come out is not clear. Some of the possibilities are that it was already there and because of your busy lives, you didn't notice, or your husband developed these problems after your illness in a reaction to what occurred with you (which is not your fault, it is just how he handles what happened) or there are other unknown factors that brought the situation to where it is now.

What is key, however, is that your husband is treating you badly. He has a choice in how he reacts to your illness, and he chose to treat you poorly. No marriage is guaranteed to be perfect. One person can become ill or develop an emotional problem. Wants and needs vary with each partner throughout the marriage. And how each person reacts to what happens says a lot about who they are. Unfortunately your husband chose to hurt you rather than help you, which in turn has made your marriage difficult.

Your husband also has a choice in how he reacts to your increased needs. There are plenty of partners who have to care for very ill spouses. While it is not ideal, it does not make them become cruel or emotionally distant. What your husband is doing is caused by what is inside him, not by what you have done or not done.

Kate
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5401
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you Kate. Very well said and I am very happy I received your clarification. although it made me cry, I feel less responsible for his behaviors. great insight
I am fortunate to be able to receive your opinions as they always seem to help.
Good day
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 1 year ago.
You're welcome, Dee! That was very kind of you to say. I'm glad to help. Take care and I'll talk with you soon.

Kate

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency