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ben0308, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 41
Experience:  Over 30 years of experience in working with relationship issues
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I have had a very rough 4 years of dating my girlfriend. We

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I have had a very rough 4 years of dating my girlfriend. We got into a realtionship that we both knew could never end up in marriage, do to our religious differences. However, we were in complete love, and decided to stay with each other anyway. After 2 years, I was very nervous about a certain person she was speaking to (male). I asked her more than several times to stop talking to him, as I was very uncomfortable. She would hide her phone, email, facebook, etc... from me for years. To do so far to not even let me ever see any of her social media.

Long story short, after 2 years, I investigated and found that they were somehow intimately involved. I found inappropriate pictures of her that she sent to him, and it really broke me into pieces. When i approached her about it, she was very emotionally and physically violent. It broke me even more.

I tried to put the past aside, and continue to be together, I've always let her slide and she always got her way, and i regret doing this completely. Ever since that incident, we have had a very rough rough relationship. I fell into anxiety and depression, I didn't trust her and our relationship went down hill. We still tried to fix things, and as usual i let things slide.

It's now been 4 years, and aside from all the physical violence i took from her, as well as the emotional damage she caused me, we are now broken up and not talking. We left each other on very good terms, and even spent the last few days together loving and holding each other.

It's now been a few days, and I come to find out that she is with the same person she was sending pictures to. This entire time I was lied to and cheated on, and I look at myself as a complete failure to my friends, family and loved ones. I have the urge of calling her and telling her how much of a sick and heartless cheater she is, well all along when she blamed me for cheating, it was always her.

I am having an extremely tough time coping with the issues, Im depressed, I can't eat, I can't laugh, I can't work, I can't sleep, I can't do anything. I need some advice - deep down, even though i KNOW i shouldn't, but I still love her. After all I spent so much of my life and time with her.

I have developed a chronic pain due to my anxiety and depression for 1 year now. It's a horrible feeling, and all I can think of is how I can possibly bounce back up with all of my health issues, and emotional issues I am going through. The worst part is that I know she is now with the same guy who I've asked her NOT to speak to in our 4 years of dating, and it's just so painful to know that i've been lied to and cheated for so long.

What do i do?

Sorry for the long question.

ben0308 :

Hello, I am sorry for your loss and despair at this time. I will do my best to offer help to you. You say that after all of what has happened and the lies you have been given from this girl that you still love her. This is not surprising. One does not lose a feeling such as love so easily especially since you have obviously been very commited to her for many years despite all the heartache. My suggestion would be for you to seek counseling to help you work through several things: first of all the loss you have experienced is why you are depressed, can't eat, work, sleep. Your self esteem is rock bottom more than likely as you say because you feel you have possibly been made a fool of and "walked on." You will need to rebuild your confidence in yourself as well has learn how to prevent this situation from happening again for you which it most likely will if you do not realize that there are certain things you may have to change in your dealings with people to stand your ground and not "give in" as you say you previously have done. I hope this is helpful for you. If you wish to reply and have further thought or concerns, please do so. I would like to know if you feel these suggestions may be helpful to you. Thank you very much

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