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Dr. L
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience:  Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
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Dr. L,

Resolved Question:

Dr. L,


please don't think i am trying to find an excuse to stay in the relationship. I am just sad and feel like talking... I start remembering things and asking why i fell for it. I was so scared to accept his first invitation that i didn't sleep at all the night before. One thing that convinced me was that on a weekend we were in the same mall when he called... He looked for me to introduce me to his daughter. He was alone with the girl and a couple of friends that were visiting him. We were still not together at that time. Sorry i jump from one subject to the other but i also thought that a reason to dissapear right now could be that the weekend is approaching and i already questioned why last weekend he didn't plan to be with me. It's just a thought... Maybe he is punishing me... Who knows... Either way, he knows i worry, and it bothers me that it almost seems like that is what he wants. Is this his way of making me totally dependant on him? Why else would he dissapear for 2 days? I didn't say anything out of this world! I don't get it! Do you think he will come back?


 


It is almost 7pm and he hasn't called or texted.


After all the excitement and desperation, why does he choose to be so cruel?


Was it really because I asked about what he was going to tell my new boss?


Why is he treating me this way?


I am breaking up with him, but why do I have to feel confused! Why does he act like this?


Does he act like this on purpose or is it just that he doesn't care?


I can't believe that after a month of constant calling and texting he suddenly doesn't think about me in all day long.


If he is angry about my questioning, I think it is out of proportion!


 


You know what bothers me?


After I break up with him, I know that it won't be easy to go to work and think he is right there.


I know that I will grieve, no matter how much I try to convince myself that this time it will be easier.


 


What will happen to him? Probably nothing... right?


If he is happily married, his life goes on without a scar...


He may be bothered that he lost his toy AGAIN but it won't make him cry or feel down... right?


 


WHY IN HEAVEN DID I AGREE? I WASN'T EVEN CONVINCED! WHY DID I SAY YES IF I WAS FINE, LONELY, BUT FINE...?


 


8:16pm and he has not called or texted.


 


I want to think about something else... I have prayed, I have felt better for a little bit, but I still wait... and I wonder why is he not calling?


 


I know it is an easy trick, and that it always works to make someone desperate... in a way I am acting the same way but not calling myself... but  ask myself why did he choose to do this now? What is he hoping to get?


 


He thinks he has me... is it to pressure me to look for a job for him?


I already told him that everything was frozen until mid year, why pressure now?


 


Or could it be that he is not thinking about me?


 


We've only been 4 times together in the period of a month...


Do you think I can get out of this a little easier than before?


 


In the past, after our huge fight, he made me wait 6 days before calling me. That's when I broke up with him.

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Angela--Mod replied 1 year ago.

Hi, I am a moderator for this topic. I sent your requested Professional, Dr. L., a message to follow up with you here, when they are back online. If I can help further, please let me know. Thank you for your continued patience.

Angela

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. L,


Can we chat?


It is almost the end of the day and this guy has not called.


Why?


Every time I want to end things he disappears and I have to suffer for days before I can speak to him!


Why?

Expert:  Dr. L replied 1 year ago.
Hello,
I'm sorry I was not available when you posted this message. I did reply to your other post...saying that I would be available to chat.

I do think that he has you where he wants you...waiting for him to call and paralyzed by the fact that he has disappeared.

The fact that you have only been together 4 times does make things a bit easier...but then there is the work piece and the fact that he has access to you there.

If he was angry about the new boss...that is just childish and unreasonable. You are an adult you do not need to be punished like a child. But then again, the more he can control you the happier he seems to be and the harder it is for you to see what is happening to you. It is like you get so blinded by your loneliness and fear of being abandoned by him that you lose sight of your own self. This is definately not good.

Please do NOT give him the power to control your feelings! He is not worth it.

I will post this and see if you come online. It is nearly 10 pm here and I will try to be available for at least another 30 minutes or so.
Dr. L, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1166
Experience: Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
Dr. L and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you.

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