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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1420
Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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I have been chasing a woman for ages who is a divorcee, her

Customer Question

I have been chasing a woman for ages who is a divorcee, her previous husband was controlling, but we have been going out for a few months and things were great. She told her kids she was seeing me, we were compatible in the bedroom but she told me we needed some quality time together, but she told me she missed me, was falling for me and that why she was giving it a go was because when we were together it felt very good and she'd be silly not to try. Then after an illness of a few weeks, when I hardly saw her, her mum who was her world died. She has since finished with me telling me that when her mum died she only wanted her kids not me so she obviosly did'nt want me. I thought this was not unusual, but has been the basis of her decision, since then I have pressured her for answers as to why she is calling it off, which has been upsetting for her. I did try to be her friend, but we would argue about why she was calling it off. Me wantimng to know the reasons, she just saying it would'nt work. Eventually she has given me reasons to be horrible, and I wish I had shut up as we would have got through them. Now, because I did not give her space and upset her wanting her to talk to me, she says that she knows she made the right decision. She is very upset with grief at the moment and at me. Is there anything I can do? or is it too late? Any advice would be appreciated. Because of her grief I just don't know what to do.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
Hello. I would say to leave her alone right now and to give her space. The death of her mom was obviously traumatic for her and she is trying to figure out how to deal with that. Emotions of a new relationship can be difficult to balance along with an even such as that. While I don't think it is too late, you have done all you can do at this point. Sending her an apology and trying to get closure is a natural thing to do in your situation. While you feel you may have pressed her too much at one point, that is also something that someone would want to know about. You cannot change the past, so try not to dwell on those actions. Give her time to sort things out. If she feels she made a mistake, she will come back to you once things have a chance to calm down.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1420
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

She tells me that my behaviour has made her realise that she was right in her decision. That this is nothing to do with the loss of her mum even though 6 weeks afterwards it was getting worse not better and the slightest thing started her crying. A week before her mum died she had doubts, saying I should forget her as she would be so sad afterwards. Is this decison to do with her grief when she says not? Could she know what she is doing?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 2 years ago.
I think that her grief is causing a lot of emotions right now and she could be saying erratic things. She is probably protecting herself by telling you those things. I'm certain that it was very stressful for both of you and it is quite possible that she does think she made the right decision right now, but that can all change with time to think about everything. Even the anticipation of her mum dying can cause all kinds of emotions. Give her some time. The damage may have been done, but at this point, you have no other options. Hopefully she will realize what she has lost and she will contact you.

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