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TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
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Hello.. I am in a relationship with an addict and whenever

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Hello.. I am in a relationship with an addict and whenever he gets in front of a computer screen (which he is most of the time) he becomes very agitated and angry at me for nothing.. i cant stand feeling like a tool for this guy anymore. weve been together for almost 3 years and he is 40 and i am 18 .. i feel in such a stuck situation.. i want him to leave but he lives in my house in a little space in the garage and is rude to m y mother alot of the time and he never pays rent or anything and always complains when he goes to work that he has to spend his money on us (me and my 2 bros and my mum) when he should anyway becoz he never contributes to the household.. He is so unfair, hipocritical and i cant stand being around him anymore. He just wants more and more from me sexually and when i dont give to him becoz i feel uncomfortable with what he requests... he masturbates over porn for days on end in the dark , just ignoring me completly... help me.. how do i get out of this situation?? i want him gone!
What have you thought about doing.
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


Well i havent really thought about anythign in particular because he is always saying he is going to move out (with my help of course) but he ends up blowing his money on complete junk everytime. He says that i cant get in the way of his addiction and that it will always win over me which makes me feel pretty crap and just thingk to myself "well why am i even here then"... I approached him tonight saying that i didnt know if i could do this anymore and his reaction was filled with anger and resent and he just spoke down to me as if what i was saying was stupid and he gets to say when its over. HE then got really mad and left somewhere then came back 2/3 hours later and said that he didnt know how this was going to work or how we were going to 'fix' it. Then he stormed off into his little room and was really mad at me again for no reason and i asked him why he was mad now and he just told me to f off and leave him alone.. so i did.. idk what to do. im so over the drama that comes along with him and the repetative talks we have about the same thing everyday almost.

Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like the man you are with is very self centered. There is a possibility based on his behavior that he has more than an addiction to the computer and porn. He may have a personality disorder as well. In that case, unless he gains insight into his own problems and decides to fix them through therapy and possibly medications, he may always act out this way.

If you feel done with the relationship and want him out, it is helpful to set some goals in order to get him moving on. First, if you or your family own the home you both live in, then you can contact an attorney and the police to ask how to have him removed legally. They can assist you in the steps it takes to get him out of your home. You may even be able to have him removed and change the locks so he can't get back in.

Secondly, you should stop letting him use your internet and stop doing chores for him. Don't clean his clothes, feed him or do other things you have been doing. Start seeing him as someone who is taking advantage of you and your family (he is) and stop making it easy to let him live there.

He is being emotionally abusive to you so if you can, stop having contact with him. Avoid him at all costs. If he talks with you, don't respond. Just walk away.

It can be difficult to end a relationship you may have felt had potential before. But from your description, this man is using you and your family to avoid growing up and being responsible for himself. He needs to move on so you can have a healthy relationship with someone else.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate

Here is a resource that may help you: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

 

Kate

 

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!

TherapistMaryAnn, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5770
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
TherapistMaryAnn and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


and yes i will give you 5! :) thankyou for that i will look at it right away :)!

I think the book will help you understand him more and what he is motivated by. And it will give you ways to respond to him.

Thank you ahead of time for the positive rating! I appreciate it :)

Kate