How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Kate McCoy Your Own Question

Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5599
Experience:  Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
54658078
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Kate McCoy is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hello.. I am in a relationship with an addict and whenever

Resolved Question:

Hello.. I am in a relationship with an addict and whenever he gets in front of a computer screen (which he is most of the time) he becomes very agitated and angry at me for nothing.. i cant stand feeling like a tool for this guy anymore. weve been together for almost 3 years and he is 40 and i am 18 .. i feel in such a stuck situation.. i want him to leave but he lives in my house in a little space in the garage and is rude to m y mother alot of the time and he never pays rent or anything and always complains when he goes to work that he has to spend his money on us (me and my 2 bros and my mum) when he should anyway becoz he never contributes to the household.. He is so unfair, hipocritical and i cant stand being around him anymore. He just wants more and more from me sexually and when i dont give to him becoz i feel uncomfortable with what he requests... he masturbates over porn for days on end in the dark , just ignoring me completly... help me.. how do i get out of this situation?? i want him gone!
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr.G. replied 2 years ago.
What have you thought about doing.
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


Well i havent really thought about anythign in particular because he is always saying he is going to move out (with my help of course) but he ends up blowing his money on complete junk everytime. He says that i cant get in the way of his addiction and that it will always win over me which makes me feel pretty crap and just thingk to myself "well why am i even here then"... I approached him tonight saying that i didnt know if i could do this anymore and his reaction was filled with anger and resent and he just spoke down to me as if what i was saying was stupid and he gets to say when its over. HE then got really mad and left somewhere then came back 2/3 hours later and said that he didnt know how this was going to work or how we were going to 'fix' it. Then he stormed off into his little room and was really mad at me again for no reason and i asked him why he was mad now and he just told me to f off and leave him alone.. so i did.. idk what to do. im so over the drama that comes along with him and the repetative talks we have about the same thing everyday almost.

Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Relist: Answer came too late.
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 2 years ago.
Hello, I'd like to help you with your question.

It sounds like the man you are with is very self centered. There is a possibility based on his behavior that he has more than an addiction to the computer and porn. He may have a personality disorder as well. In that case, unless he gains insight into his own problems and decides to fix them through therapy and possibly medications, he may always act out this way.

If you feel done with the relationship and want him out, it is helpful to set some goals in order to get him moving on. First, if you or your family own the home you both live in, then you can contact an attorney and the police to ask how to have him removed legally. They can assist you in the steps it takes to get him out of your home. You may even be able to have him removed and change the locks so he can't get back in.

Secondly, you should stop letting him use your internet and stop doing chores for him. Don't clean his clothes, feed him or do other things you have been doing. Start seeing him as someone who is taking advantage of you and your family (he is) and stop making it easy to let him live there.

He is being emotionally abusive to you so if you can, stop having contact with him. Avoid him at all costs. If he talks with you, don't respond. Just walk away.

It can be difficult to end a relationship you may have felt had potential before. But from your description, this man is using you and your family to avoid growing up and being responsible for himself. He needs to move on so you can have a healthy relationship with someone else.

I hope this has helped you,
Kate
Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 2 years ago.

Here is a resource that may help you: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men by Lundy Bancroft

 

Kate

 

May I please request that if you find the service I provided helpful at all that you rate me with three or above? Your rating is the only way I am reimbursed for my answer. Thank you so much!

Kate McCoy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 5599
Experience: Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
Kate McCoy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.


and yes i will give you 5! :) thankyou for that i will look at it right away :)!

Expert:  Kate McCoy replied 2 years ago.
I think the book will help you understand him more and what he is motivated by. And it will give you ways to respond to him.

Thank you ahead of time for the positive rating! I appreciate it :)

Kate

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1580
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1580
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    914
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/NP/nphbrown/2012-7-30_24048_ImYrManSerious1.64x64.jpg Dr. Norman Brown's Avatar

    Dr. Norman Brown

    Marriage Therapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    377
    Family Therapist & teacher 35+ yrs; PhD research in couples
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    364
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/AL/aliciamiller/2012-4-9_21330_profilepicture.64x64.jpg Alicia_MSW's Avatar

    Alicia_MSW

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    331
    Specializing in relationship/family counseling
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/jhollo77/2010-2-6_651_Avatar.jpg Jennifer's Avatar

    Jennifer

    School Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    320
    Extensive experience fostering family relationships through consultation / counseling.
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions

Chat Now With A Counselor
Kate McCoy
Kate McCoy
1581 Satisfied Customers
Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues