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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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Hello I recently ended a relationship ( only three months )

Customer Question

Hello I recently ended a relationship ( only three months ) because she would start punching and kicking me when she was drunk I'm a big tough bloke but I just did not like it . I left it for a week and because I felt guilt over the way I ended it ( by text ) I was angry ,I contacted her again we began to text again but she got drunk again and when I said I would not drive over for sex she threatened she would call someone else . I told her not to text me again. I know this sounds like a no brainier but when the drink was not involved she was lovely and we got on great but drinking is still a big part of her life and not so much anymore for me, I've simplified this a tad but my head says don't contact her but my heart misses her ( I'm 35 and she is 30 and I would say I'm average looking , she is good looking) is there any hope of salvaging this ,I would like too but I know she won't stop drinking even though she cant handle it she enjoys the social scene too much any advise would be appreciated , thanks Paul
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi Paul, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been experiencing quite a volatile relationship with your (ex)partner. She seems to enjoy having a drink - this is all fine but it sounds quite problematic in that she sounds like she is taking advantage of your good nature. Her drinking may require some attention but you wouldn't and couldn't make her take any support as she would need to do this for herself.

You, on the other hand sound like you need to have more faith in yourself and have faith in who YOU are. She demands things from you - whether it be sex or your company - it is still quite manipulative behaviour - can you see that? She may be a lovely person when she's sober, but it still doesn't take away how she lashes out at you when she's drunk. If you were the female and she the male - how do you think society might perceive it...? I only put this to you as I believe it's important to offer you an open and honest answer to your question (this therefore also demonstrates my respect for you too). I hope that you will be able to see that life is too short for regrets; it's important that you love your life and be happy - not victimised by your (ex)partner. If she was willing to moderate her drinking (I have previous 8 years experience as an addiction counsellor) you have every opportunity of making this work, however domestic abuse can be very harmful to you physically, emotionally and can really damage your self esteem.

Here are a few web links to alcohol support services - they can help family and friends to understand some of what drinkers might be going through: http://www.aquarius.org.uk/alcohol

And a more international based website: http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk/

Please think carefully about the above. - it really is your decision ultimately but whatever you decide, ensure that you have thought it through carefully. You seem to be selling yourself short. Be kinder to yourself; think about your good traits and that actually, another woman would be honoured to be with you, considering the way you have tried to resolve this and how you have responded with integrity. I hope this response was helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.
Take care, Karin
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you , it's not the answer I wanted if you know what I mean but I know what your saying is the best advice I know relationships like that can become very destructive to both party's , I kinda knew the answer to my question , I just miss her I know I will find someone else but that does not make it any easier rite now . Thanks again , paul
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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Karin Samms
Karin Samms
Counselor
299 Satisfied Customers
with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues