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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Hi, I am a women who love too much, and at the moment I find

Resolved Question:

Hi, I am a women who love too much, and at the moment I find myself completely lost and i don't know what to do, my feelings has been hurting my husband, I can't control my jealous and it is destroyng my relatioship.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi,

jenhelant :

I would like to help.

jenhelant :

Is it that you love him so much that you become jealous and therefore that is what is hurting your husband?

jenhelant :

Does he give you reason to become jealous or do you feel that it is your love or insecurities?

Customer:

yes, my feelings has become under of control

Customer:

No, in fact not, but we have differences because I am older than him

jenhelant :

Do you understand that jealousy and love are separate? Do you feel insecure because you are older?

Customer:

and I don't know why it has become so painful for me

Customer:

yes

Customer:

yes it is because I am older than him

jenhelant :

Does he treat you any differently than before and how long have you both been together?

Customer:

we are married for ten years and we start to have some problems since last september, when things start to get worst

jenhelant :

Was it due to your age or just various things?

Customer:

In fact because of my age

Customer:

it is been tough

Customer:

recently

Customer:

I dont't know what to do

jenhelant :

I am so sorry you are going through this. Just to understand better has he been treating you differently and then you became jealous or you became jealous and then he started treating you differently

Customer:

Yes. because of the subsequents problems we have because of my jealous things start to become different between us,he doesn't feel the same

Customer:

he says I need some help otherwise we have to end up our relationship

jenhelant :

I understand. It is difficult to say exactly since I do not know the details of what happened, but I would not blame yourself for everything. If he feel he needs to be there for you as well instead of allowing it to get to the point of it changing the way he feels. However, the fact that he is saying for you to get help is a good thing. This means that he does have hope for the relationship. Are you willing to get help?

Customer:

yes i am,

jenhelant :

Counseling can help with your insecurities and to make changes.

jenhelant :

That is good

jenhelant :

Change can occur

jenhelant :

It is a slow process. Just think

Customer:

I live in the Uk, where I can get help??

jenhelant :

Your husband loves you or he would not still be with you.

Customer:

He says he loves me, but the things that I been doing, that puts him off

jenhelant :

You were not like this before and we all go through phases in our lives. This is okay, but the important thing is to learn and make changes.

Customer:

How can I get help?#

jenhelant :

Try not to allow your jealousy to over power you.

Customer:

I felt every time I tried

jenhelant :

Let me check for you. Please give me a few moments.

Customer:

thanks

jenhelant :

Try and separate what is real and what is your problem. I will be right back.

Customer:

should I wait?

jenhelant :

I will just be about 2 minutes. If you can that would be great.

Customer:

fine

jenhelant :

Thanks for waiting. You can go to this site

jenhelant :

And go to find a therapist

jenhelant :

Then put your area and it will give you several options

jenhelant :

www.bacp.co.uk

jenhelant :

Remember stay positive. It is not about changing overnight or making one big change. It is about little changes over a long period of time. Also, remember he is there to help you. Analyze before you say anything and decide if you feel it is your issue or not then decide to act or not.

Customer:

Do you think that I can still save my relationship?

jenhelant :

There is another site

jenhelant :

www.findmeatherapist.org

jenhelant :

Yes, you can still save your relationship.

jenhelant :

The fact alone he is still there and wanting you to get help is a huge factor.

Customer:

I am reading the book women who love too much

jenhelant :

If he was done he would not even be giving that option.

jenhelant :

Separate your love and jealousy. Love him, but try and show it in positive ways. Try not to allow it to turn into negativity.

Customer:

he says that I need to make changes otherwise things won't be work anymore

jenhelant :

That would be counterproductive. Reading books as these are good help.

Customer:

that is the point

Customer:

I can't control, when I see I have alteady done and saying things

jenhelant :

It is good that he is being honest telling you the issues, so that you can know and make the necessary changes.

Customer:

I messed up our xmas and new year

Customer:

he was so upset

jenhelant :

We can not change what we have done, but each moment brings a new opportunity to try

jenhelant :

Make changes in each daily moment. Do not allow your age to make you feel insecure. He would not be there is he did not love you. Allowing your insecurities to take control will not help. You know the problems and that is good because some people blindly repeat them. You have the opportunity to change just based on the fact that you are aware. That is HUGE.

Customer:

That is what I am looking for

Customer:

Yes, I am going to seek advice

Customer:

I really need, that was good to talk to you

Customer:

how can I do to como back to chat?

Customer:

come back sorry I typed wrong

jenhelant :

No problem

Customer:

Are you still there??

jenhelant :

Anytime you would like to talk again

jenhelant :

You can request me

Customer:

yes,

jenhelant :

Jenhelant

Customer:

How can I do it??

jenhelant :

I would be more than happy to help anytime

jenhelant :

It has been my pleasure. Even after you rate me you can still come back here for as long as it stays opened and when it eventually closes then you would ask a new question the same way as you did this.

jenhelant :

Staying positive is very important. Don't allow your past mistakes to dictate your future.

jenhelant :

There is still hope for your relationship.

Customer:

ok, thank you for now, I really appreciate.

jenhelant :

Anytime! I wish you all the best. Starting counseling will show your husband you want to make changes and I will also be here whenever you need.

Customer:

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX best for you too.

jenhelant :

Thank you. I appreciate it. Happy New Year!

Customer:

Happy new year.

Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1147
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Jen Helant
Jen Helant
1067 Satisfied Customers
I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.