How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask belove0820 Your Own Question

belove0820
belove0820, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 38
Experience:  I have over 10 years of experience working with children, adolescents, and parents.
50739591
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
belove0820 is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

hi there, I am have relationship difficulties and would like

Customer Question

hi there, I am have relationship difficulties and would like a second opinion, just to feel I am not going a bit mad and that my thoughts and feelings are normal!

Laura.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  belove0820 replied 1 year ago.
Hi Laura,
I would be happy to offer you a second opinion on your relationship difficulties.

Please just let me know what's happening, and any specific questions that you might want to address about what's going on.

Thanks so much!
Dr. Autumn
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Hi there,


 


Thanks for getting back to me so quickly.


Basically I have been with my partner for 4 1/2 years (living together for 2 years) and for roughly the past 2-3 months I've been really questioning my happiness and our compatibility.


In this time I have found that we have been arguing more and I've been more 'nagging' and generally moaning to him about how he does this, or doesn't do that.


It's got to the point that we're on a waiting list for relate counselling as we both don't want to split, and we'd like to try things to help or infact 'salvage' the rship.


I know being in a rship can be hard after the honey moon ends and that both parties have to really make an effort. We are mature enough to talk about things and how we need to change but nothing ever does!


To be honest these things are to do with his personality and if I am annoyed by how he doesn't do things then perhaps he isn't right for me (you can't ask someone to change so much that it's not natural, right?).


Anyway I feel that since moving in together we have got very comfortable, slob around in scruffy clothes, have bad habits and generally don't spend enough quality time together. we also have a lodger who is in most of the time (not watching tv with us) but is very present, and I think this also adds pressure.


His personality.....well he is intelligent, funny and quite perceptive but he isn't what I would call socially confident (in a dinner situation), I feel I have to nag him to do housework, he sleeps for hours (over the holidays, I'm talking 12, 1pm!), he lacks motivation, he has bad table manners, he is addicted to football and checking his iphone for results every 5 minutes,he is really anal with money and he's messy! See how I thinking of the bad things?! On boxing day my family were over and we had a meal. He doesn't seem to be able (or want to) eat and have a conversation at the same time. he ate his food really quickly without talking and then went upstairs to the loo (he was ages and I know he was looking on his iphone) then when he came back he asked if he could sit on the sofa as he was full. I just thought it was very rude and a lazy way to behave...especially in front of my family on boxing day.


 


We went to a new years eve party the other night and had a good time but at the end I was so angry with him. we were at a private party in a large bar but as it was hard to get served he went downstairs to the other bar....he seemed to be gone for ages. A friend of mine asked where he was and I went to find it. I found him chatting to a girl on his own and without wanting to be a bunny boiler I joined in the conversation and went back upstairs. He still didn't come back up to the party for a good 15 mnutes. I just think it's unacceptable if he's meant to be my boyfriend. It wasn't really about chatting to a girl that bothered me that much (she approached him apparently and I believe that), but more the fact that he didn't come back upstairs!


These are just 2 examples, and I'm conscious that I don't want to send a 'moany' email but I think I need a second opinion from a female (I hope you are?!) that this is quite poor? The thing is we don't have much of a sex life anymore....that's because I feel that I don't want to be intimate with him and that I'm not happy with how I look but it's probably been 4 months since we were intimate and we don't even have kids so what's the problem!!


The question that I have to ask myself is how long I go on feeling unhappy and coming across as a nag because quite frankly my needs are clearly not being met. He is very laid back and doesn't analyse as much as me.


I also think he knows its not great but doesn't want to be alone or single. Once a few weeks ago he said 'I don't want us to end becuase the alternatives are awful'. Great. Say what you feel hey! He said it came out wrong but Im not so sure.


 


Perhaps you could give me your thoughts?


 


I hope to hear soon. Thank you!


 


Laura

Expert:  belove0820 replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Expert:  belove0820 replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions