My pregnant girlfriend (19) pretty much broke up with me (20) over a text-message. When we first found out she was pregnant, we both agreed to get an abortion. Things were okay during the first month, but we never really sat down and talked about it all - we just thought it would work itself out, I guess.
I tried being supportive, but I was emotionally caught up in myself. I was getting really attached to the idea of us having the baby, and raising it together, but I was too distracted and too much of a coward to talk to her about it. Even though I liked the idea of it, I knew it wasn't the smart choice - given our situation in life and our plans on getting an education. It was really conflicting for me, and I'm sure she was just as conflicted as me. Looking back, I wish I had the balls to bring it up with her.
On top of the pregnancy, I've been pretty depressed about my family-situation. My sister is a drug addict, and around the same time we found out my girlfriend was pregnant, we learned that my older sister had dropped out of rehab and started doing heroin. We thought she was doing great. I was so disappointed in her, and I had all these conflicting emotions about it all. I was angry, depressed, sad, disappointed and I tried hiding it. That's just how I handle these things, I guess.
Me being depressed affected everybody around me - including my girlfriend. I was always irritable, always feeling tired, not wanting to do anything, and I lashed out at occasions.
Not knowing what I was going through, and to what extent it was all affecting me, my girlfriend - being an insecure person - probably thought it was because of her. Which it wasn't. I love her more than anything, and she means the world to me.
Her not wanting to be intimate with me really affected me as well. At that time, I didn't really understand what she was going through. I felt hurt and neglected when she didn't want to have sex with me and kiss me and so on.
I always tried to assure her that I loved her, and I tried doing as much for her as possible, like taking care of her dog, making her food and running to the store for her. But sometimes, I snapped at her because I was stressed and feeling down, and I hate myself for it.
Anyways, after spending a couple of weeks at my house (Still living with my parents) she had to spend time with her family, and it came on a very short notice. It was the first day off for the both of us in weeks, and I had planned for us to sit down together - in private - to try and talk things through, about everything. That didn't happen, and I was disappointed. I didn't even give her a proper good bye. Looking back, I was acting like a child.
Once she left, she became distant. She didn't really seem interested in talking to me, not answering her phone. She didn't text me like she used to. She seemed casual and disconnected.
Whenever I tried getting her to meet me, to talk about things, she came up with excuses. I tried being understanding, and suggested another day and so on. She didn't seem interested, though.
Two weeks go by, and I get the text. The day after, I send her a long email (She didn't want to talk to me face to face or on the phone) explaining what I felt about the pregnancy (I didn't feel like involving my depression at this point), telling her I would love to raise a child with her, and that if she wanted to keep it, we would make it work.
At first, she told me she already had the abortion without telling me (I was supposed to be there with her, like we had talked about earlier), and then she tells me she hadn't done it yet, that she had only made the appointment. I'm super confused at this point. I'm only trying to do the right thing, and she's acting so cold and indifferent. When I told her that I wanted to be there for her, she told me she was doing it alone.
The day she broke up, I told a friend about the pregnancy as I needed someone to talk to. Him, having good intentions, tried talking to her about it. Apparently, nobody was supposed to know, and now she knows that he knows. f**k.
She texted me saying we would never talk again, and, get this, now she's telling me she was never pregnant to begin with. Apparently, she took another test the day after she broke up with me - the same day she first told me she had already aborted it, and then changing her mind later. Why would she lie about that?
I'm so hurt and confused. I love her so much, and I would do anything for her. She won't even see me (She says she isn't ready yet), coming up with excuses. I visited her once, delivering some christmas presents, and she seemed so sad. I'm assuming she's still pregnant, and I want to be there for her, but I have no idea how. Do I just wait?