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SpecialistMike
SpecialistMike, MS, CSCS
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 507
Experience:  Master of Science, Physiology
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I am really confused about whether or not I should completely

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I am really confused about whether or not I should completely give up on this person or not (and if so, how do I even go about that??). I met a guy at my work last summer and didn't really notice him much until about two weeks before we were both going off to college. At that point we started talking more and more and even went out on a really awesome date followed by an even better kiss. I saw him one more time before we went our separate ways but we still kept in touch. And by kept in touch I mean for about a month or so after that we texted all day, every day. It slowly trickled off but I found myself impulsively texting him every couple of weeks after that. Then on Thanksgiving break he was in town but didn't want to hang out with me always saying he was tired or busy with his family. I got mad at him and he told me that when he was back in town for winter break we would definitely hang out. A couple nights later we were texting in the middle of the night and he told me that I was the only girl he had kissed since he got out of a long term relationship in june and there hadn't been anyone after me when he went to school and that he really really enjoyed it. I told him he was the only person I'd been crushing on this hard for as long as I could remember. Now it's winter break and he has blown me off twice, never texts me first, yet the other day he told me that I was "intelligent, sassy but kindhearted, and very attractive to boot." He also told me about his childhood friend that had died and that not many people knew about that. It's like half the time we're super close and the other half I'm just an annoying girl he can't shake. I really just want the opportunity to get to know him away from text messages and I would even be okay with just being his friend. I think I may just be more into the person I've idealized him into being than who he really is but if I never get to really know him, how do I get over who I imagine him to be in my head? And why would he tell me that he likes me but not want to hangout? He did tell me he didn't want to date long distance but I'm really not asking to date him I'm just asking to be his friend and see whether or not there's even more to it. I go on a lot of dates and hangout with a lot of guys but he's the only person I really even want to be around. How do I either get over him or understand what in the world his perspective on the whole matter is?

Oh and I forgot to mention this before but the day after one of the days he blew me off I got mad and stopped responding to him after I told him that if we were really friends he would actually want to see me or hang out once in a while he came into my work (his old work) and walked up to me and said "excuse me ma'am but can you stop being pissed at me now?" and then just walked away. I was swamped with customers and couldn't leave to go talk to him so I just stood there thinking "well what the heck is that supposed to mean?!"
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 1 year ago.

Deardebra : I would not give up on him and I will tell you why.
Deardebra : This person sounds very interested in you, but I think he might be confused about how you feel about him.
Deardebra : He needs to know how you feel and that you want to get to know him.
Customer:

Okay then what am I supposed to do? How do I even get him to hang out with me? He never invites me to do anything and blows me off when I invite him out

Deardebra : He has confided in you about certain this so this show that he trust you. I feel he has opened up to you and it sounds like a start of a relationship.
Deardebra : But you need to tell him how you feel.
Deardebra : He could be waiting for you to tell him how you feel.
Customer:

He says stuff all the time that makes it seem like he at least considers us good friends but I guess what I'm really asking is how do I get him to want to do something with me? He leaves on the 13th to go back to school so I have a limited time frame as far as in person interaction goes. I just want him to give it a chance to see if there really is anything there and he won't even do that

Customer:

I have told him. More than once.

Deardebra : He has said some nice things too you. That is a huge sign that he is interested.
Customer:

I know that he's interested at least somewhat. That's not what I'm getting at. Why doesn't he ever want to go anywhere with me? And if I shouldn't give up on him, what do I do?

Customer:

It keeps showing you entering and leaving the chat but I don't see any responses from you...

Deardebra : So
Deardebra : Some times people get nervous to be around people they have feelings for.
Deardebra : I would begin with texting him.
Deardebra : This will help you both get to know each other if he is somewhat shy.
Deardebra : Once two people talk and get to know each other, people tend to get more comfortable. Then you might see him ask you to go places. I am sure he is scared to get his heart broken. He wants to be sure you care for him before he puts his heart out there.
Customer:

I already told you we text and have been texting a ton. This is not really helping me but thanls anyways.

Customer:

thanks*

Expert:  SpecialistMike replied 1 year ago.
My name is XXXXX XXXXX you for using JustAnswer.


I would like to give you an opposite view with some potentially brutal truths. These may actually make some sense but may seem a bit cold initially.

So the first issue it seems is bothering you is the fact that he eats up a lot of your thoughts. A lot of times the natural instinct is to want more than we can often have, and if we can't have it we want it more. When we do get it, often times that feeling is calmed. In your case its the fact he is unable to meet you(though he may actually be busy). The fact that he doesn't let you completely forget is a sign he is probably going through the same thing: conflicted and unsure, but feeling infatuation as well.

The fact he isn't jumping at every opportunity could actually really mean a few things. It could mean he is still thinking about his old relationship, it could mean he may have other love interests from school, it could mean he really is truly unsure or really doesn't want to get attached to someone long distance.

I know a lot of people who actually put on the emotional brakes who feel they would get in a situation that would be "good" in a love sense but that would "hurt" in a sense they wouldn't have absolute control or regular interaction in it the whole time. Basically he may be putting up some slight walls or speed bumps, because he knows he may fall pretty hard for you but that he wouldn't be in a situation to always act on it since you guys are away at school.

The easiest thing, coming from a male who has been in these situations is to be brutally honest with him. Text him and ask him straight up what he wants to do. YOu can choose to include that you want to see him once in a while or choose to include you want his friendship, but you need to let him know that you actually want to know what HE wants.

As far as keeping your mind off him, distraction and time are the best healers IF that is what you want.
SpecialistMike, MS, CSCS
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 507
Experience: Master of Science, Physiology
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