How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Ryan LCSW Your Own Question

Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
16045978
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Ryan LCSW is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

I am currently on holiday with my partner. I found these texts

Resolved Question:

I am currently on holiday with my partner. I found these texts to his ex lover who he said he never had a relationship with, they were just travel companions. She is also an employee of his and I run my own business from his office so we all work together.

"I didn't mention, and probably shouldn't, but every time , including now, that I'm down south... I can't help but think of you (a lot) & the fun trips we had. Xo. D"

"Rest, little Nic. I shall return soon to make all well. I am a master of restoring good health & relationships (with the exception of my own, of course). D"

"Next week or whenever you can.....
I've left an envelope with your name on it atXXXXXConcierge desk. In it you will find a receipt for a 46" TV.
Pls take the receipt to Best Buy (address on receipt) & ask the to load in company car (would not fit in mine when purchased just b 4 leaving 4 Nevis).
Take TV to 1166 concierge & ask them to transport it to my Suite (1204)
Pls accompany them. I have given them a letter giving u permission to enter. Ask them to unload TV in the master bedroom. An installer will do his thing after I confirm delivery next week.
That's it!
Also, and this is entirely optional, my bottom right-hand dresser drawer contains my sweaters. You may wish to savor the sweet scent of me on the sweaters to remind you of my manly self whilst we are separated for yet another week. This shall help time pass more quickly until we are once again able to hold each other in our
arms & make you feel whole. LOL!"

We are still on holidays. How should I react to this information. I am thinking I should call it a day at the end of the holidays. We have just moved into a new home (we previously lived in his marital home where his wife deceased. This woman has been an issue for his wife before she died and also with the person he saw before me. Why is he not with her. He is much older and can't have normal sex or impregnate. She wants to get married and have children.

Need your help.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

I'm terribly sorry to hear about what you've found out about your partner. It must be especially difficult since it seemed like your relationship together had been progressing by moving into the new home and going on holiday together. While I can't explain why exactly he is not with this other woman, it is certainly possible that it has to do with his inability to have kids, or provide the life for her that she really desires.

Either way, it sounds apparent that his relationship with her has never gone away for good, or if it had, he has rekindled it again. Knowing that this woman has been an issue in several of his last serious relationships, it does make it hard to believe that he would end things with her completely. However, a lot depends on your willingness to give him another chance, and if you confront him on the issue and he seems genuinely willing to work on your relationship and perhaps also attend couples counseling together, it is certainly possible for him to change. You may be able to tell a lot by how he responds once he is confronted with the information that you have uncovered.

The larger problem may be whether or not you feel like you'll ever be able to trust him again. Based on the texts, it sounds as if this has been going on for some time now. If you feel like this will continue to be a problem, or that you will always be on guard from this point forward, then it is probably time to call it a day and end the holiday. If that is what your instincts are pointing towards, I think that is important to listen to. In that way you can get some space and decide exactly how you want to handle this moving forward, and whether or not it is possible for you to stay in this relationship.

I know you're caught in a tough position and I definitely wish you the best with all of this. If there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Ryan
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Professional therapist
Ryan LCSW and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thanks Ryan. The question is, how do I cnfront him and when. My thoughts were the night before we leave (his ex is planning to break up with her man then s well). You are correcr, its not he first time. seen emails asking her to movie in the past. emails where tey talk about me. The issue is she works for him and he will lways have to communicate with her, though she is the only employee he takes to lunch (I am never aware unless I find out een though - m in te same office), the only employee he texts all the times, who he invites to our home (usually without me knowing), whom he asks to take him places etc. I don't see how it will work with 3 of us in a small offic. I can't imagine going back to work and she asking about my holidays knowing the type of communication they have been having. I think we can only make a go of it, if she is not his employee. His affair started with her shortly after she started at the company when his wife was dying. Before she got terminally ill, she was in the process of ending her 30 year relationship because he had cheated on her and given away 1000s of dollars to the person he was seeing.


 


In summary, the question is when and how do 0i confront him? Is it fair to say I will only reconsider if she is no longer working with him (which means I have to be prepared to end the relationship). It is also not in my best interest to move my business from his office because we share staff (all except her). We are still on holiday and am reallyfor all sake (his daughter and her fiancee are also with us)

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions