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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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I met a guy online for sex. Thinking it was just for sex and

Customer Question

I met a guy online for sex. Thinking it was just for sex and I could get off. He turned out to be a nice guy who called me and wanted to take me out. When he asked I said yes. We went out a few times and I found out he was still married but seperated. I tried to avoid him thinking that he couldn't be want I truley wanted. It was nice to have some attention from a am after ten years of being alone and I thought I could handle a casual sexual relationship. Tonight I called him and we went out. I had a great time. We are sexually compatible and he is really a great guy but we continue to talk about his failing marriage and that he can't really date and give a girl want they deserve. I tried to just be his friend and understand but after the new year and a couple of drinks I started to cry. I am realizing that I want more. I want a guy to love and cherious me. I realized although there are lots of great qualities about this guy. I deserve more. I asked him to take me home and I have been extremely desperate and emotional. I did it again! I started a relationship with a man who couldn't give me want I deserve. I don't know why I continue to do this to myself but I'm so pathetic. I have tried dating sites for years with no luck. I even forked over big money for a dating service. But the only decent guy I met, although emotionally unavailable, was o. This sluty website. I give up! I'm so depressed right now and truley need a friend but have no one to turn to. I can't wait for this to pass. Please bring me a good man who wants a nice girl who has a lot to offer.
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 4 years ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

Please give me a moment while I read through your question carefully and prepare an excellent answer for you. I shall respond very soon. Regards, Karin
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 4 years ago.
Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so alone and desperate and without hope right now. This WILL pass. You sound as though you're feeling very ashamed of how you've been trying to find a partner - this can sometimes happen through online websites but not always and certainly isn't by any means a reflection of who you are and what you stand for.
You DO deserve better, absolutely you do, I'm just not certain about the way you're going about it. Luck clearly has a lot to do with how we find our partners but to me, it sounds like you're being left feeling rejected and realizing that this is not how you deserve to treat yourself nor be treated.
You totally deserve to be loved for who you are and for someone to cherish you. It's good (although emotionally very hurtful), that you've realized this now. You can begin to work on what it is that you need to do for you. Maybe it's talking to someone one to one in a professional manner, someone who could help you think about and identify what your needs and wants are, why you have taken the actions you have to date and how you can begin to prevent further patterns of this type to occur again - does that make sense? Here's a link for you in case you wish to pursue this line of support for yourself:

USA therapists website: http://www.psychologytoday.com/

Another website where you can search for counselors: http://www.nbcc.org/counselorfind

These are just some support avenues for you to consider and I hope it helps.

Furthermore, you sound as though your confidence and self esteem have taken a bit of a battering. I hope you can see that the fact you have started to recognize that you ARE worthy of love and affection, things will begin to fall into place for you.
Your embarrassment is quite normal as people generally would not understand online dating and meeting for online sex, however it's time to let go of any negative feelings around your previous online past history and start to think about a new future; a future that you can control face to face. You sound like you've invested a huge amount of energy and money into online dating etc.. Perhaps you can invest some of your positive energy into seeking hobbies and interests out face to face. There's huge amounts out there if you choose to start looking - even activities that you probably would never consider?

Your question/statement " I can't wait for this to pass. Please bring me a good man who wants a nice girl who has a lot to offer" tells me so much about how you are feeling right now; unfortunately I cannot do this for you, but I know that you certainly do have a lot to offer and someone somewhere will be very lucky to be the recipient of your love and attention. Stay strong and keep your focus on you and things - along with your fate will soon change.

The first change needs to be with you and how you see yourself - you have already begun this journey. I wish you nothing but the best. I hope this response was helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.
Kind regards, Karin
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 4 years ago.
Hi there,

I hope that my response to you has been helpful, if you need any further assistance or any clarification, don't hesitate to come back to me. Please, if you will, accept my answer if you feel I have responded to your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.

Kind regards and best wishes, Karin