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Ask Karin Samms Your Own Question

Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 300
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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So, i have been involved with this guy at my work.... once

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So, i have been involved with this guy at my work.... once was a random hook up when we both had too much to drink... After that I was on holidays for a while and when I came back there was some flirting for a while. Then I found out he had had a girlfriend when we were together and it was really akward for quite a while.. i ignored him, cause I was upset and he kind of stared at me and tried to antagonise me, which was unsuccessful. Then recently we had our office christmas party and we had a long discussion about what had happened. He told me he was upset that I had never contacted him or spoken to him about it and never gave him my number and eventually we ended up getting together again. The next day at work was flirt central, with staring and sitting close and laughing and general playful fun. We have since become facebook friends, so I sent him a friednly facebook msging just beore the holidays, just giving him my number and saying to call if he wanted to casually get together.... and nothing.... So now I am totally confused, simply because I did exactly what he said he wanted me to do afer the first time... I don't want anything serious but I just dont get the mixed messages at all.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.

Please give me a moment while I read through your question carefully and prepare an excellent answer for you. I shall respond very soon. Regards, Karin
Hi there again,
It does sound strange and a case of either playing games with you or perhaps he doesn't really understand how it leaves you feeling. You seem to want a casual thing with him but once you show him no interest he's back pursuing you - this isn't really unusual behaviour as some people (men or women) like the thrill of the chase and then may well back off.
You need to decide whether this guy's intentions are any good and whether you would therefore continue to try and get together with him. I'm also wondering whether he is still in a relationship with the other girl... If he still is, he may be ignoring you as he's trying to put energies into that current relationship. The fact that you work together may be a point to consider too and he may have backed off due to this point perhaps?

Additionally, the holiday period can be quite destabilising for some (in that one's routine can go out the window and you become quite involved with family and other commitments), could this be the reason why he's made no contact? He seems a little aggressive in his pursuit of you and this raises questions within me about his intentions towards you and his integrity (I may well have got this incorrect, but it was a feeling within me). I guess, I'm concerned that he will continue to 'mistreat' you (lack of contact, full on contact, lack of contact and so on..). Be careful about what your intentions are too. If you just want fun, this person may well be up for it, but he could in the process hurt you too. I hope this response was helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.
Kind regards, Karin
Customer: replied 3 years ago.


Sorry, I realise I left out a key point.... prior to the second incident he did break it off with his girlfriend ( i am unsure why). In regards XXXXX XXXXX together, I dont think this is a significant issue, as I am aware he has been ina relationship with a girl in the work place ( several years ago: before I started working there). I am unsure if this information changes your perspective but iIf it does I would be greatful for any further insight... Do you have any specific suggestions about what exactly to do about it or even just how to behave after the holidays to avoid further awkwardness?


Thank you

Hi again,
Thanks for the extra info. It doesn't change much by way of how it leaves the situation. You've indicated that it'll be awkward at work due to his recent lack of contact and I believe this to be the case too.
In terms of strategies to deal with him at work; you may need to decide if a) you want to continue pursuing 'something' with him, in which case you need to work out whether he needs to be aware that you were hoping he'd make contact through the holidays and was there a reason for his lack of contact? And b) if you wanted to play it cool, you may ell want to respond by not responding - by playing it cool and a though it hasn't affected you t all (you may find he has a new interest in you as you're not giving him the attention he's probably expecting from you).
Please accept my answer if you feel I have responded to your question. I hope my responses have been helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly take a second to rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.

Kind regards, Kate
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Hi there,
Just touching base with you and wondering how you got on with my response. Did you make any final decisions or are you reflecting on things?
I hope all is well with you; you know where I am if you need further assistance or support, just put "Hi Karin.." at the start of any new questions and I will do my best to help you :)
Take care, Karin

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