Hi, Welcome to Just Answer
It is difficult to see out children hurting, especially when it has to do woth significant others'
It sounds like she is having a difficult time letting anything about her boyfried...you have been saying the "right things"
It seems like thr thing to do is just be there for her...maybe do somethign to take her mind off her boyfriend.
How does that sound to you?
she is not interested in 'small talk', and it's 'being there' that i'm having trouble with. i have told her i would phone her back as she was upset when our conversation had long pauses, as i ran out of things to say.
So she is not in the home with you?
no she lives across town
Have you tried using open ended questions to try to get her to talk?
Sometimes daughters have a difficult time hearing anything moms have to say in these situations
What is going to happen tomorrow night?
What do you like about him?
well, she calls me when she's sad. tomorrow night is new years eve and they're going out.
I would reinforce that that is a good sign...if he was losing interest, he would not be taking her out. Where are they going?
What can she do tonight to get ready for tomorrow?
i have not met him. she dated him earlier this year, then they broke up and he has come back and wants to date her. they both belong to a philanthropic organization and there is an event tomorrow. it was where they were going to 'go public' with their relationship.
Well, is the plan to still go public with the relationship?
he hasn't called her so they haven't spoken about it. she won't call him as she considers this a 'test'. they will meet at the event tomorrow.
Seems a little like mutual game playing.... Have you asked her what she is doing to get ready for the event?
do you mean what is she wearing or how is she helping with the org
oops - he was to call her today to arrange for her to help him organize for the event and he hasn't called.
Both seem like good open-ended questions to me....shift the focus on to her and the event. That is something she has some control over. At this point she has little to no control about what her date is going to do. Hmm...that missed call does not sound good.
i need to call her now, i will have to get back to you.
I will check back in a bit to see how things went.
he called her tonight and was still distant, didn't need help and she felt no relief. she didn't want to talk about it anymore but we're meeting for lunch tomorrow.
Well, it is a good sign that he called. Are they still meeting at the event?
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I hope things worked out for you daughter.