Hi and thanks for writing JA
are you here?
Hi are you online?
Hi good morning to you as well and thanks for writing.
I have read your post.
I have a choice here and that is to tell you something to comfort you (what you might wish to hear) or to tell you what I think
which do you wish for?
Well, I am sure you are going to tell me something I already know and that is...he is hiding something. The attorney claim is just that (keeping in mind he has maybe 5 clients as he is semi-retired)
We have been exclusive all of the 21 months...minus the last months-which he keeps trying to make amends for
Patti you are very smart and I wonder if you are here for validation on your fears
Possibly. I can tell you that the break-up came close to breaking me... I never felt such pain
We are clearly having some technical problems here so let me say this.........as awful as it must sound.
I think you are committed and trusting and he is not. You are clearly smart and insightful so any man would adore you. Which leads me to asking why you almost fell apart when the "break up" idea came into play My guess is you do not see what the rest of us see in you.
I think any guy would love to have you.
Help me out with this one please.
Wow. I have heard so many say that. I suppose I only hear the negative.
There ya go Patti
You are an honest and intelligent woman who commits to a relationship........in short a gem.
Is it that he doesn't trust me, I can't trust him...or a mixture of the two? Probably the latter?
I think he is not aware of how good he has it and he has such low self esteem that he is not sure he deserves you.........and no I do not hold out hope he will change and YES YES YES I would love you to find someone who appreciates you and cherishes you.
Me too! He says all the right loving things...then something like this comes up and I feel like I was hit head-on
You know Patti, I once had this great professor, years ago in grad school and he was just so so smart and he told us
People say all kinds of things but in the final equation they "do" exactly what they wish to do
so my thoughts are that you must make a choice based on his actions and not his words
Which is why I asked him to define what he means when he says he loves me...he said he loved my that Sat I found him with his ex.
His actions lately have been loving-minus this...it seems so murky
okay so there ya go girl
so, I need to walk away, and try to heal?
my divorce of 20 yrs was easier
I wonder if he is holding onto you because he is so unsure of himself and yea, I would advise you to walk away which I know hurts like all heck
I think you deserve someone honest and cherishing
and it hurts like all hell because he was not honest with you or himself and you do not seem to me the type of person who would do that
I think this is so painful in part because he was not honest with you
and I imagine that has you swirling
as I would be as well
I don't know if I have the tools to do this. and if this were my daughters going through this I would grab them...
You would grab them and hold them so closely and so lovingly and so compassionately
looking me in the eye, saying he loves me...he has been buying me things I need, installing lights, groceries etc...
because that is the stuff you are made of
my daughters? Yes, try to wake them from this...I don't have that person anylonger-my sister would have held my hand...she committed suicide 3 yrs ago
I so wish, I wish so much I could give you a different answer Patti
I don't sleep, eat, my housework isnt getting done. I am taking Sam-E but it isn't helping
I am shocked and saddened by this bit of news
You would not even consider suicide would you?
You know it solves nothing and only harms survivors......You know this right?
no, but I would concider staying in bed until the sun comes up 10 yrs from now
You know I see hundreds of clients every year in my practice and I sure do know who I am working with fairly quickly
so this is what I can say to you
the "gold standard" in psychiatry is ninety days.........so give him three months to shape up or ship out and make some ultimatums or let him go girl and find someone who appreciates you
My wish is that you let go because I think you are one very giving lady
but if you choose to stay so be it
I don't know what an ultimatum would even be?
btw...I wish you were in the MI area..
My ultimatum to him would be to knock it off and be monagomous
and stop contacting ex girlfriends and I would let him know this in no uncertain terms
I would say to his face, it is ME or the curb. Take it or leave it.
I think that was the only time...who the heck knows. I work w a great group of docs (I am a trauma nurse) and honestly, they all want me to break it off. Hell, I won't even tell them I am back with him
Im answering my own question aren't I?
Okay then Patti I am validating their opinions as well. I wish you would decide to leave him and find someone in your league and I do not believe this guy is worthy of you
at the same time, like you, I am human so I know how hard this is
alright. I am hearing you.
It will be hard girl
I appreciate your time and value your straight shooting approach
It has been hard-I have tried 4 times
but ya know if you do not leave him how will you meet the one who loves you as you should be loved.
okay, drop me a line in two months and let me know how you are doing, sooner if you need to.
I will keep you in my thoughts Patti.
Thank you-This is my first time here...how do I contact you?
Just write in the header for Cathy.
easy! Thank you and Happy New Year to you
Stay strong and keep yourself safe Patti.
I agree with your colleagues Patti. I think you deserve someone as wonderful as you. C