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BillLCSW, LCSW, MFT Treating Couples for 35 years
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 3705
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker MF Therapist
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What is the best way to break up with someone to stalks yo

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What is the best way to break up with someone to stalks you? We have been in a relationship for 4 years. I know that when we try to break it off she will get very violent - possibly physically and/or emotionally.

Hello- Thank you for asking the question. I have over 30 years of experience working with individuals, couples and families & am happy to reply.

I am sorry to hear you are having to deal with this.

As a Therapist and Criminologist - I want you to understand the following words: STALKERS CAN BE DANGEROUS

When it comes to stalkers- here are the does and dont's:

Basic advice to handle stalking
  • End the relationship in clear terms: 'I do not want a relationship with you'. There is no such thing as 'letting down easy' a potential stalker. Any other way that leaves the message open to interpretation will keep him hanging on. 'Im not ready' 'I have a boyfriend' or using a go-between will only make him think that there is a possibility.

  • Gather all evidence, but do not tamper with it. Save voice mails, letters, notes, gifts etc for the police. Have a camera and/or a VCR with you. Keep a record of all incidences.

  • No contact. Contact to the stalker translates into his mind into a relationship.

  • No response. Do NOT return gifts, letters or goods sent to you. This will infer a relationship in his head. Legal claims that can go unanswered should do so. Never answer the phone. If you answer the 31th time, he knows it will pay off to persist.

  • Leave a photo and description of your stalker to co-workers, neighbors, kindergarten employees-anyone he can think of contacting. Warn them not to give out information about you and report back to you if he has been around.

  • Get as much personal information about you removed from public records.

  • Do a safety check on your house.

  • Wear mace or a personal attack alarm at all time.

  • Do NOT attack your stalker, neither physically, nor verbally as he then might get the justification for his pursuit or even a legal dispute.

I trust this will help you and wish you the very best.

I appreciate your Positive Rating- Excellent Service is my goal

Kind regards, Bill
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