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ben0308
ben0308, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 41
Experience:  Over 30 years of experience in working with relationship issues
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RA-kyl

Customer Question

I have been seeing this guy for the past 5 months and it was going really well. We was initially very keen and always initiating contact and dates and we typically saw each other every 2 or 3 days and were in regular contact every day. He got back from holiday (during which he kept in regular email contact telling me how much he missed me etc) just over a month ago and there seems to have been a bit of a shift over the last 3 weeks or so - we've only been seeing each other once or twice a week and he has been initiating contact and dates less. I was meant to go round to his for dinner on Thursday and he asked to rearrange that afternoon because he needed to stay late for work. I called him later that evening asking if I could go over to his but he made the excuse that he was tired but would speak to me at the weekend. I have not heard from him since and I have not initiated contact as it seeed to me that he needed some space. However, 4 days is the longest we have gone without contact and something doesn't seem right. Does this strike you as a case of "he's just not that into you" or could it be that he just wants to cool things off a bit? The confusing thing is that when we do see each other, it's still great and he is still very affectionate/makes references to future plans etc.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  ben0308 replied 1 year ago.

ben0308 :

Thank you for contacting. I am sorry you have this concern going on in your life right now. So, I'm not sure what to make of your friends behavior either. I would think that he would at least give you the respect of telling you what's going on with him ie if he just is needing some space to think things through or if he wants to just stop seeing you. I think the "not knowing" of what's going on with him is worse than knowing. Do you feel comfortable initiating a conversation with him about this and if so I would suggest using "I" statements and not "You" . For example, I would say something like " I have noticed that we have not been seeing each other as often as we were before you went on holiday. I am feeling somewhat concerned and wondering if there is something wrong? Using "you" statements such as "you seem to be distant lately and making excuses to not see me" insinuates blame which can open up a whole can of worms. Let me know your thoughts, please

ben0308, Social Worker
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 41
Experience: Over 30 years of experience in working with relationship issues
ben0308 and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  ben0308 replied 1 year ago.
Thank you so much! I certainly hope I I have been of some help to you. Pleae know that I am here for you for any future concerns. I wish you the best and Happy Holidays to you

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