hELLO, MY NAME IS jA`rEE AND i AM A MENTAL HEALTH COUNSELOR.
It sounds as though you are really struggling with what would be best for you and not wanting to hurt her. Am I correct in what I heard? I would like to talk with you further concerning your question. I will be online for most of the day if you would like to talk with me please just hit reply or reply to Ja`Ree and I will watch for you. Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Ja`Ree
Hi, you are correct in what you heard. I really dont know what to do for the best!
may I ask why you took the short break to begin with?
Of course. We both sat down and argreed that things were not how we would like them and that we were not currently happy in the relationship. I moved out but we continued to see eachother and things seemed to go well. one day I asked what she wanted and she said she wanted to make things work. At the time I agreed but i'm not sure anymore.
Have the two of you done any couples counseling to see if it is possible to work it out? Are there issues in the relationship that make you think you could not work it out, or are you just finding that you like being single?
Might I also ask how old you both are?
I think we could possibly work it out but I also know that part of me is pulled towards being single not just to meet other people but for the freedom to do other things like work abroad ect. I am 28 and she is 27 we got together at university at about 21(ish) I am a teacher of children with special needs and she is a dramatherapist.
I need to pop out for about an hour to walk the dogs. Is it possible to continue the consultation when I return. Sorry to be a pain.
is that okay?
Abosolutly. I will watch for you
I will send message just reply to me.
I do understand what you are saying about the career and wanting to pursue working abroad. You are young and want to follow your dream. That is a positive thinng to do so that you do not look back with regrets later in life. It is difficult when you love someone whose dreams are different than yours. Love is not always enough. Do you know if you are "in love with her" or if you just "love her"? I will be waiting for your response. Ja`Ree
Hi, I am back, thank you for waiting for me. I know exactly what you are saying, it feels like whatever I do there is the potential for some pretty big regrets. I's say that at the moment 'Love her' as opposed to being 'in love with her'
I thought that might be the case. I'll be back with you in just a minute.
It is difficult to do what is best for us when we love someone and do not want to hurt them. However, we must look at the long term consequences of our choices; not just for us, but for the other person as well. You tell me she is a wonderful person, therefore she deserves someone who will be in love with her and share her dreams and you deserve the same thing. Does that make sense? Better some hurt now that you will both eventually move on from and find the right person for each of you, than a long period of unhappiness for both of you if you stay when you want to go.
it makes totall sense and I completly agree, thank you for being so honest. I am just so unsure, maybe things could get better, I want to belive. I still dont know how to move forward if I did decide to end the relationship. I know I cant have this conversation with her now, it would hurt her too much just after her grandmother has past away (the funeral is tomorrow) I also worry alot about her practically if I go, she is trying to stat a business at the moment and things are not going so well, she would struggle for money and as silly as it sounds the dogs are a huge issue. I think she would struggle if she kept them and although I would want to help out financialy to begin with it is not something I could keep up with forever. I suppose its a case of being sure its the right thing to do and also doing it in the way that will cause the least pain?
I understand what you are syaing and I appreciate that you care enough to not want to just walk away. If you were wanting out just to meet other people it would be a whole different thing. You are making a lot of sense with what you say and show a great deal of maturity in wanting to handle it in the right, least painful way. I agree with waiting a few weeks until she has come to deal with her loss. As far as her business and how she can make that go, we can never be responsibile for other's successes or failures. Not being cold, just know that when we do that we take on a lot of unneccessary guilt and become an enabler. I agree with heling out financially for a predetermined period of time. No matter when you do, or how you do it you will both have pain and need to grieve the loss, just as you would a death. You seem to be a wise young man, listen to your gut and you will know when and how to talk with her. Just know she is going to be hurt (as will you) and give her time and space to deal with it. Does this help you with your decision?
Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX help alot and completly understand. It will good to give it a few weeks as well just in case my feelings do change about the situation but also because it is the right thing to do. I am begining to come to terms with the fact that if I go through with this it will cause pain but that the pain will not last forever, I have not had to hurt anyone before and it scares the hell out of me. thank you for your advice regarding finances it does make me feel better about that part of the situation.
It is truly my pleasure to be able to assit you in this. May I follow up with you in a couple of weeks to see how it is going with you?
absolutley, I really appreciate that you have that interest. I shall sign of now but look forward to speaking with you in a few weeks.
If my answers have helped you then please hit accept and complete satisifaction rating so that I can know how well I am assisting our customers. Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Ja`Ree