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Ask Dr. D. Brown Your Own Question

Dr. D. Brown
Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience:  21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
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I work with many type As and noticed that a senior male colleague

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I work with many type As and noticed that a senior male colleague tends to be quite aggressive in invading my space as if to push me off even though I have every reason to be there and have a role there in my own specialty. What is this about subconsciously?

Dr. D. Brown :

Please let me take a minute to review your question.

Customer:

Thank you

Dr. D. Brown :

It sounds disconcerting that this colleague is being rather aggressive to you. While I cannot say for sure, I would surmise that he has some narcissistic qualities that may convince him he is superior in some way and thus, his contributions or even presence is more valuable than yours. Of course, I am just hypothesizing, as I don't know this man, but that is what it sounds like to me. Along with this, his ego may need validation often and hence, he "pushes" his way into things at work to get the necessary gratification he feels he needs. I would continue to set boundaries in a professional way to get the message across that you value yourself and have confidence in your role there as well. I hope this answers your question. I always appreciate a positive rating if you feel I have answered your question sufficiently. If not, let me know what else I can assist you with. Thank you for the opportunity to be of service.

Customer:

Yes. It's unfortunate. He's a new acting consultant in one of the departments

Customer:

I witnessed him putting one hand on his hips (closed fist) as a woman of older age, but less superior in position was coming towards him

Customer:

I feel he's not a nice man.

Customer:

I do my job and at times I have to deal with many on my own. He just has no respect.

Customer:

for my sector.

Dr. D. Brown :

Yes, that may be true. Underneath the need to feed the ego, is often an insecure little boy who has to regularly convince himself of his power. This may also be at play. He is probably frightened underneath that he is not as strong as he wishes to be. It is unfortunate, but sometimes we have to contend with co-workers like this.

Dr. D. Brown :

Please let me know if there is anything else you need. Take good care.

Customer:

How to deal with difficult bosses (who are not only difficult with me but their own peers and previous junior staff as myself)?

Customer:

I was studying to a point at work in the early part of the year and my boss regularly says that I 'zoned out' for that period - as if I really did not do any work. There are other staff who were also there and I would cover them when I needed.

Customer:

It's more than a few months and regularly she will accuse me of 'zoning out' whereas there are many times I actually do quite a great deal of work for her. She seems to minimize any positive accomplishments I make. Puts me down even before I complete things. Don't know what her issues are?

Dr. D. Brown :

Again, I can't say for sure without meeting her, but some people tend to be very critical and judgemental of others and sometimes project their own insecurities on others. In other words, your boss may be guilty of "zoning out" herself, but instead of examining her own behavior, she projects it onto you. You may want to call a meeting with her and very gingerly, get clear on your job duties so you both are on the same page. It doesn't have to be confrontational, just a "chat" to make sure you both get your needs met at the workplace. I hope that helps. Take good care.

Customer:

I did so but she felt that I should have remembered our chat from 6 months ago - which didn't go into all those details. She was confrontational despite my asking.

Dr. D. Brown and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Yes, sounds like that is her personality. When you meet, be sure to write down everything and send her a copy after the meeting, so you both know what was said and what is expected of you. Good luck to you!

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