My best friend has been in a relationship for the past four years, her boyfriend had been dumping her for the past two years and whenever she picked up her feet and found the way to move on he jumped in and wanted her back. She would play hard to get for a while, but eventually she always went back.
Last summer for the first time I was also single and we started doing things together all the time, we were having so much fun and one thing led to another and we hooked up. Then she got back with him and I pulled back telling her to figure out what's going on. A few weeks later she broke up with him for good and we sort of started seeing each other. After a few weeks of intimacy she froze up for a few weeks, then came back and then froze up again and this has been going on since. I am allowing the space, without losing power, I know how it is when a break up is still fresh. I know she exchanges some sms with the ex every once and a while and that it confuses her, she talks to me about it. She knows that he is not reliable, she knows that she has issues of letting go and that her ego is hurt. She doesn't want to go back, but she is hurt and hates the fact that she has felt so rejected by him.
She says she doesn't see the potential of a relationship between us for the time being, but every week something intimate will take place, we are always together, she keeps around all the time, everyday, and we have planned to go for a trip together over christmas. The time we spend together is fantastic, we never seem to grow tired of each other, we share the same interests and passion. I don't understand what goes on in her mind. If she doesn't want to have something with me, why is she always around, if she just wants to be friends why do we end up all over each other every once and a while? If she doesn't want anything (which I don't believe), which is what she said once I put some pressure, why doesn't she let me be?
I have edited the initial question a bit, while you were answering it. So please read....
What is more, I know all of the above, I don't mind getting hurt, I don't think I will, so I am not really concerned about myself...I just want to help her so that she can figure things out no matter what the outcome is, thus helping myself as well by getting a definite answer.
She does not really believe in therapy in any way, she does not react at all when I tell her how I feel. I try to take it day by day, I try to have no expectations and put the ball in her court. Every time we have sex she is very emotional and then 2 days later she freezes up and wants space. I keep my distance...or I am willing to and then she calls and changes her plans to see me and hang out etc etc. It's as if we are together, we spend all of our time together, only we don't sleep together. We both admit that our relationship is special and amazing. All our friends keep telling us that we are idiots for not being together (they don't know) and that the bond we have is rare etc etc.
I am having a wonderful time, don't get me wrong...I am frustrated sometimes, yet overall I am so happy just to be around her. We laugh all the time. Yet at the end of the day I do want more and I think that she is the most amazing woman I have ever had in my life and not willing to let that go.