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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have a complicated situation that I could really use some

Customer Question

I have a complicated situation that I could really use some advice or support with.
Let me try to make this as simple as possible because otherwise I would have to write a novel.

I am 37 years old. I lost my Mom when I was 18. I have tried to not let this define me. I went to college, graduated, and I have had two lengthy positions at great companies. My Father, after my Mom died, basically married another woman, about 8 months after my Mother died. It was truly devastating to me. I have tried with the other woman, and she is really unfriendly to me in most cases. I am really editing this, because otherwise this would take a very long time to explain. My Dad always wanted to spend his time with his new wife. He made little effort to be with me or speak with me. I had basically perfected always being there for him and always made excuses for why he backed out of lunch dates, dinner plans, etc. I always gave him the out. He never spoke of my Mother again. My Father died this past May of cancer. I knew this was coming. I tried and tried and tried to spend time with him, even when I knew he probably did not feel well. He really always spent time with his wife and her children. It really hurt inside, but because he was ill, I chose to ignore my own feelings and put them aside. My stepmother literally called me 24 hours prior to when he died in the hospital. I did not even know he was there. I got there, and I was so devastated by what I saw. The man was skin and bones, and could not even speak. He was "actively" dying....what the doctors stated. I was grateful that I could even kiss him gently on the head and tell him over and over that I loved him, even though I felt like he had basically cast me aside and made very little effort to be with me. I asked that his ashes be placed somewhere where we could all visit and spend time there with him so to speak. She has refused, and his holding onto his ashes. I also asked that if I could please have my Mother's wedding ring, because my Dad had mentioned months before he died that he would like me to have it. My stepmother called me after my Dad's passing and stated that "they had been married for a long time, and she had no idea what happened to it." That was the last time I spoke with her. I feel that it is clearly a toxic relationship that I feel makes no sense for me to pursue anymore. I have no desire to have someone in my life like that. Okay.....finally I am getting to the point of why I am writing this.....I really feel let down by human beings in general. I have been to counseling, and it has not helped me. I used to be known to everyone as the happy one, the one always smiling...because I had perfected hiding my own pain and did not want to dump it on anyone else. I am married by the way....and this is where the problems have begun....can someone just talk to me....I know I have to pay multiple times....but I really need an independant person to speak to....Thanks.....Cat
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear Cat,

I am so sorry for the pain you have been subjected to. I understand your situation (lost my wonderful mother when I was 22) and clearly see not only only the cruelty and meanness of your stepmother, but the rejection by your father, because he let himself be dominated by this wicked woman. He was weak and was also his victim.

I find other parallels between your life (the wedding ring and the ashes and so much more).

We cannot undo these things. You cannot give this woman the gift of empathy, and you can never expect her to change. This behavior seems narcissistic. She controls and manipulated others and is incapable of feeling the pain of others (sociopathy is a characteristic of narcissism, which may be be the best way to define this woman.

You made one baffling statement and would like clarify. You said:

"I am married by the way....and this is where the problems have begun".

We will leave that for next time.

You were a happy person and can be that person again. She is inside you.

I understand that you are suffering from depression and you are finding it hard to see the good in people.

We are out here and you are one of them. There are people who care and nurture each other, and you can find them if you expand your horizons.

I hope that I have given you some hope and support and if you feel you would like to continue our or conversation or expand it into a chat, I would be delighted to work with you.

Warm regards,

Elliott

Elliott Sewell, MAE, LPCC, NCC, CCMHC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7662
Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Elliott,


You are so kind....thank you....can we chat about this....I am willing to pay you for the additional time of course....and yes, I will definitely rate you excellent. : )

Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 1 year ago.
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