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Karin Samms
Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience:  with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
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hi, i have spoken to a counsellor on this site recently and

Customer Question

hi, i have spoken to a counsellor on this site recently and have found the information helpfull. however iam still struggling with some ongoing emotions, regarding a male friend who has been paying me attention.I am constantly thinking he doesnt like me even though he is very nice to me and asks me out and wants me to go round to his flat. iam desperately trying to keep my emotions about him intact and dont no how to deal with it anymore.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi there, welcome to Just Answer. I will try and help you with your question.Could you say a little more about your feelings for him? You sound like you have very mixed feelings regarding his intentions... I will do my very best to try and help you. Kind regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


well it all started when i became friends with his mum and we went out together then liam started coming too, it developed from there and we then became good friends and he would come whenever we went out. he then began asking me out and cos i was having problems with my husband i became fond of him and this developed into us being friends. i now have strong feelings for him and have been to his flat a few times and he asks me round and is really nice to me. i just dont understand my feelings and i need to see him often, i have become confused by all this and how he feels.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hello again and thank you for responding so quickly,

It sounds as though the more time you spend with him, the stronger your feelings for him?

I'm wondering whether your relationship with your husband has broken down, have you both separated? Are your feeling confusing because of some particular reason?

I'm wondering if trust is an issue too.
You sound as though you're beginning to depend or rely upon Liam as he seems to show you care and attention. What is stopping you from moving forward with Liam?

You are visiting his home and seem to be spending time with him, how does he make you feel?

It seems that you are searching for some clarity around your feelings for Liam, would I be right in my thinking?

Please do feel free to come back to me with your response.

Kind regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


yes iam searching some clarity from liam as i dont understand why he likes being with me , iam 45 he is 20. my relationship hasnt broken down yet but isnt being helped by my feelings for liam and when i go round his flat we get on very well and have fun together he is also very nice to me and very caring , this makes me want to see him more and very confused about my feelings . i want to text him all the time and then get worried when i dont get a text from him and then when i see him he very nice to me . help its driving me mad i need to see him all the time.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
Hi, I will try and help you.

Here's a perspective to see it from: Your relationship is on rocky grounds with your husband. Liam is a welcomed distraction perhaps from having to confront quite painful and challenging issues within your relationship with your husband.

Your insecurities may be playing a part in all of this too... Liam may very much like you but it seems it may be JUST that - some "fun"? When one feels neglected in their current relationship and someone else demonstrates affection and attention for you - how do you think this will make you feel?

It feels like you are playing with fire in some ways: betrayal of husband and your friend and their trust in you? I am simply trying to help you see this with different eyes.

Only you can decide what choices you make, no-one here is judging you for your choices; it's simply important that you make the right choice for YOU, and ensure your choices are informed.

Your feelings for Liam may be masked by other hurtful, neglectful associations of your married relationship. By this I mean, try and consider the following: if you were happy and content with husband, would this even be an issue...

I hope this has given you some food for thought and perhaps clarity about these feelings for Liam and why they may have originated in the first place.

Your feelings are VERY real and I do acknowledge them, I am trying to help you see them from different perspectives, as Liam clearly makes you feel wanted and loved.

I hope this response was helpful, however please don't hesitate to come back to me if you need any further clarification. If I have answered your question, kindly rate my service so I may be credited for my time. If you choose to rate me anything less than positive, please do come back to me and I will clarify further or support your query further.

Kind regards, Karin
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


your advice was very helpfull and i will just have to try and put liam to the back of my mind , carol is my main friend liams mum and i dont want to lose her friendship. i justn hope i havent made a fool of myself and liam and me can remain friends or did he never like me in the beginning , he is a nice lad and i want us to remain friends but i will have to avoid going to his flat however nice.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
I'm pleased for you that you are thinking about all of your options and making a decision that is acceptable and allows you to remain friends with Liam and his mum, going to his flat would be inviting temptation your way...

If I may say too, that it may be worthwhile exploring your marital relationship - perhaps seek counselling for yourself to talk it over - perhaps through GP, as there was an indication that this isn't making you happy.

Best of luck. :)

Kindly take a second to rate my service, the question will not close.

Kind regards, Karin

Karin Samms, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 299
Experience: with over 15 years experience offering support with relationship, mental health & addiction issues
Karin Samms and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


i also no that i have got myself in to deep with liam and i certainly dont want to lose his friendship but i wish he wasnt winding me up and generally hope he does like my company as he was the one who first asked me to go out with him etc and become involved in his life , he wants me to go shopping with him now and i am not good at saying no.

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi i want to stop thinking about liam cos its making me depressed its like iam a little obsessed with him and its making me unhappy aswell how do stop thinking about him so much

Expert:  Karin Samms replied 1 year ago.
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