Unfortunately here is the reply I rec'd from him on Friday:
"hope you had a wonderful holidays. Hope all is peaceful and well.
I had a nice one as well, catching up with family and friends and just taking time to slow down and think.
And in thinking, I have come to the conclusion that I would rather be alone now and that I will drop out of the dating world altogether at this time. I believe on balance, I can't really conjure enough of whatever that is one needs to keep a relationship going. I know you are looking for a companion and someone with which you can have a close and enduring relationship, but I think that I am not the one for you, and that your time would be better spent with someone else.
I do not have any particular 'issue' with you, as I have mentioned before, and really don't have any other explanation other than I am just not really drawn in to this enough to pursue it further.
I appreciate your company and efforts and wish you all the best."
I had not contacted him since I sent him the note you suggested. I was hoping that he would follow through on his suggestion on meeting to talk about taking our relationship slow. I am surprised he decided to just end it. I understand and I did go on to enjoy my weekend away snowboarding with my friends and there are a dozen fun photos of me enjoying my time that I'm sure he saw on Facebook.
I have not replied to him and while I am moving on I do want to keep the door open and leave a good lasting impression on him ... to send him a message that I am completely different than his past GF's and that he could be happier in a relationship with me. I suspect his past GF's did not share his interests and weren't as passionate sexually with him .... he had shared/complained about his ex-fiance and paid me a compliment that their relationship "wasn't like this". I can also tell the most recent GF was very diff from me and that I am more compatible.
I take what he wrote at face value and believe he is struggling with wanting to have a long-term committed relationship and I wonder if he had 1 too many disappointments that left him working hard to be in the relationship and left unsatisfied. I still want to send him the book on Buddhism that I got him and include a letter in it.
1) I was either going to just send the book and inscribe it "To Allen, Rest easy" ... those were taken from the last sentence of his previous note to me and I want to show that I listened to him, that I accept him. How does that sound to you?
2) In my letter to him, I want it to demonstrate 2 things A) that I "get him" and "accept" him and B) to convey my appreciation for our time together ... I want him to have a warm fuzzy feeling when he reads it ... as I think he'll hold on to the letter and read it over again in the future. I want it to encourage him to reconnect with me when he is "ready to re-enter the dating world" IF I'm still available.
Here's part A:
Allen, I genuinely understand how you feel. I too have felt the same thing for myself in the past. In my mid 20's - early 30's, I lived with with a wonderful loving man. Everyone thought we had the perfect relationship. However, I found myself feeling stifled and lonely in this relationship. I was inexperienced then, and learned that it was because we were not compatible. We did not share enough passion and energy for the same things in life. I felt ashamed feeling so free and alive when I left him. He was hurting so much but I was much happier. Fortunately, I was able to learn and grow from that experience and would meet men who would become great playmates, friends and eventually boyfriends. One would last 7 years and the one after 3 years. As you know, the former ended because neither one of us wanted to move and in the latter is severely depressed and anxious. Regardless, for me I have come to the conclusion that I had so many positive experiences and feelings from both of those relationships that I remain a hopeFUL romantic.
This past year I too have been single and not dating at all. During that time, I have completed an Ironman, decided to write a cookbook, and made some big career decisions that I am very excited about. While I have no idea of how you came to the decision that you would be happier alone, I understand it. You are correct. I am looking for a companion and something enduring. After all, if I find the "right" companion, who can share in my happy world, why wouldn't I want it to endure?
Here's part B:
I have enjoyed every moment with you. It was wonderful to be able to share time with you doing things that we both really enjoy, listening to music, learning about a variety of topics that interest us. One of my sweetest memories is when you read your favorite poetry to me. It inspired me to dig into boxes I have not unpacked since I moved to find all of my old poetry books, that I have kept out of sight and denied myself the pleasure of enjoying. I am having great fun reading them now. I also learned how to play "Back on the Chain Gang". It was one of the songs in your book that I thought would work with you playing the slide guitar and me on the acoustic. I'm on to the song "Collide" and am trying to find the music to Sugarman. That would be fun to play!
You see, I cherish my time with you Allen and would not trade it for the world and I too am in my happy place.
3) I want to leave the door open but in a way that he needs to chase me so I don't want it to be obvious so what if I ended it as follows
I will remember you fondly XXXXX XXXXX think of you this summer when I compete in a fun triathlon where I will be kayaking instead of swimming, followed by biking and running. My friends gently reminded me that I promised to do it in 2013 after I completed my first Ironman.
If you like, let me know when you are docent-ing next. If you think it is appropriate, perhaps I can bring my friends' 2 children (you met them briefly). Otherwise, I'd love to see the tide pools solo too.
Rest easy Allen,
4) What do you think of this? Am I being totally naive? I believe what he wrote. 75% of me believes him. The other 25% thinks he is saying that he's just not into me and that he never will be ... BUT why did he bother to write what he did? I just don't know if he would go through the trouble to think about this and to say he is dropping out of the dating world?
Your thoughts? Keep in mind, I am NOT waiting for him but I too take my time and don't date for the sake of dating. It is possible I may be still single if, and a BIG IF, he comes around. Also, I am a hopeFUL romantic and think I could still be that "oops" you mentioned.
Have you seen this scenario work out?