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SLREED
SLREED, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 217
Experience:  MS Marriage/Family therapy. Four years as a counselor.
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I had a huge fight with my boyfriend. He encourages me to go

Customer Question

I had a huge fight with my boyfriend. He encourages me to go back to school but putting a lot of pressure on me. I didn't know what I wanted to do after leaving school. Just like my family he says just do anything. I'm pretty stressed. And loathe this answer.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

Your boyfriend and family only want the best for you and may be worried about your future. However, sometimes things may not come out the right way.

Do you agree with what they are saying?
Do you have plans that they do not agree with?
Are you needing help with how to reconcile with your boyfriend?

I will await your reply, so I can help further.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I do agree but don't deal well with being yelled at. I do want to improve but it's hard to know what to do
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I Aso tried applying and got screwed over. Everything went wrong. I registered with VTAC then kept saying my ID and pin were wrong and I missed out. This is so unfair
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I understand. You sure do not deserve to be yelled at no matter what. He must be frustrated, but that does not make it okay. He still needs to be able to control himself. It is good you registered and I know how frustrating these technical issues can be, but try not to let that stop you. In life there is always something or someone who wants to hold us down, but it is up to us not to allow it. The best thing you can do is try and make a plan then take steps toward that goal each day. It is not about one big thing we do in life rather is about all the little things we do each and every day that is what gets us to our goal and helps us to be who we want to be. There is never a perfect day or time to do something. We will always have challenges and issues with everything. Just think about what you may want and the rest will follow. Also, if you do something as your parents say then you will learn more about your likes and dislikes and choose your path from there. Sometimes it is the experience that makes and molds us in time. Our experiences helps us learn things about ourselves we may have never known. Sometimes there is not that perfect thing we want to do, but we can find the best one we want by our experiences. Also, thinking positive is important. There is a belief called the Pygmalion theory this is based on if we think more positive we will react more positive and therefore our outcomes are more likely to be more positive. So positivity is an important thing to carry even when times are tough. As for your boyfriend I would have a talk with him letting him know it is alright for him to express his feelings to you, but needs to be in a respectful manner. When he yells nothing gets resolved and makes everything worse.

I am here for you anytime you need you can request me if you like. I appreciate your positive rating, but if I can help you further please do not hesitate to reply even after you rated me.

Thanks,
Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I was angry and annoyed. I tried to apply for university but due to technical difficulties couldn't. The place you apply through is closed and I have to wait until next week. Everything went wrong- eg didn't know my laptop wasn't working (my brother uses it). I am too depressed right now. I would have to wait for mid year intake/ next year. I didn't want to be 25 and still not knowing what to do career wise.
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
The only real thing that you can do is take things one day at a time. You know you want to get registered in school because of technical difficulties, so right now you can't. The only real thing that you can do is to wait until the next time you can. No matter how much you think about it or get upset about it if you cannot register right now, then you just can't do it. Instead make a detailed plan on when you can registered next time and prepare in advanced so that this does not happen to you again. I know that you did not want to be 25 and still not know what to do career wise, but sometimes things just happen that way. There are people older than that do not know what they want to do for a career. There are people who change their career in their 30's or 40's. What you are going through is not uncommon. You just have to evaluate what you want to do to try to make yourself happy. You are the one in control of your life, and as long as you are trying and doing the best that you can, then that is all you really can do. Try not to let other people deter you just stay focus on doing the things that you can do right now, and take things one day at a time.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I am depressed as I've been living with my parents. Really not easy. My dad complains about the mess yet he is a hoarder himself.
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
One thing that you may want to consider is trying to figure out the direction of your life. Since you are not in school right now is it possible for you to get a job or take on more hours so you can have some money to get your own place. This way you feel like you are moving toward a goal while you are not in school. This could mean just making a life plan or work toward getting your own place, or even help to clean up. If you are depressed you should really consider speaking to a counselor about your depression. They may be even to assist you in trying to figure out what you want to do with this point in your life and help you to try to figure out how to get there. One thing you have to realize is that you are still young and you have your whole life ahead of you. This is just one point in your life that is difficult, this period will not last always, it can be better with time. But it will take some effort on your part in figuring out what you want your life to look like and how to get there. But I would recommend counseling for your depression.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
It is hard not to be depressed when everyone is getting married/ having kids
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
Well you are only 25 years old, you will have time to be married and have children. Right now I think is the time to focus on getting yourself where you want to be. Meaning that you should get enrolled and complete school first or even look into getting your own place. These are things that will prepare your for marriage and children. It will be hard to be married and have children on top of completing school. So look at this as the time to do all those thing before you settle down. Marriage and having kids does not equal happiness, you need to be happy on your own and then you get married and have children to add on to what you have. You cannot let those things determine weather you are happy or not. Try to do things now to make you happy and assist you in achieving your goals. As I mentioned before speaking to a counselor about your depression can be great.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
I have too much resentment as they still treat me as if I'm 13
Expert:  SLREED replied 1 year ago.
Well one thing that you have to start doing is not paying attention to what other people think about you. If you would like to be treated as an adult, as I mentioned before you can always make steps to get on your own or get your own place. This may assist them in seeing you as an adults and you do not have to deal with them as often. As I mentioned before you are going to have to make a plan of your life and start to do things for you. As long as you know that you have a plan for you life and you know where you are going. Just make steps every day to achieve your goals and to not focus too much on what other people think.

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