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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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MY partner had an affair which he ended. he has now been in

Resolved Question:

MY partner had an affair which he ended. he has now been in contact with her again to ask her about a weekend away with the boys as she had been to the venue before.Should i trust him
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I would like to help, but can you please give me a little more information such as how long you have been together?

Was he planning to go with her and the boys or did he just want advice?

Are the children yours or this other person?

Has he ever cheated before and how is your relationship otherwise?

I will await your reply.

Thanks,
Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


We have been together 21 years .hea was going with the boys anoa just this time By the boys I mean the men he works with

Customer: replied 1 year ago.


We have been together for 21 years By the boys i means his male friends from work.No he has never cheated before

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Thanks for explaining. You both have been together a while and if he never cheated before that is a good sign. Since he has cheated then he would need to prove he is trustworthy again. It takes time to build that trust back. It is not good that he contacted her to ask her about the venue since he should be building the trust now with you. However, that does not mean he is still cheating. It could have been innocent, but maybe just a bad choice on his part since you both are now in this delicate phase of restoration. I would analyze this his actions as a whole to determine if you feel he can be trusted again. Things to look at would be is if his actions back up and match his words. If what he says makes sense with the situation. Usually when people say things that do not make sense its usually not true. These are things to look at to decide if he is trustworthy or not. Also, if he is patient and willing to prove his trust to you is important in order to restore the relationship as it was. Sometimes the partner who cheated wants to apologize and everything back to the way it was immediately. The fact is they need to now be able to show that they are indeed trustworthy again over time and need to be willing to do that in order for the relationship to be healed.

I wish you well, but please let me know if I can help further whether you have any more questions or need clarification.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


in the past he has asked me to marry him and i have always said we are alright as we are.After finding he had been in contact again i asked him to marry me and his response was i will one day . I know i hve turned him down in the past but he always says the past is over with.I feel as though he will not commit to me.please culd you reply to me

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Yes, I understand. Sometimes when people are in a relationship so long they get used to the way things are and can fear ruining things by getting married since it is happy the way it is. The best thing you can do is be open and honest with him about what it is you want. Tell him your feelings about the marriage and have a deep conversation. It is best to be direct so you both can be on the same page about your future together.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.


Jennifer I feel

because he does not want to get married now that he is not sure about our relationship although he has said that he loves me.I would like to know if you feel i am being stupid

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
No your not being stupid. Your being very smart to analyze and think about the situation. It is normal to be concerned if he does not want to take the next step. If he says he loves you I would not say the relationship is good or not good based on the fact he does not want to marry. There are people that just don't believe in it or just are happy the way things are. I would look at how he treats you. If he respects you, good to you, shows you he loves you not just says it. These are all signs of how the relationship is going.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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