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Ryan LCSW
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience:  Professional therapist
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Quick summary Met online...long distance (200 miles away) Talked

Customer Question

Quick summary
Met online...long distance (200 miles away)
Talked (and really connected on all levels) for a month
Met and spent 2 amazing days together
Talked some more
Spent the following weekend together. Also amazing! Obvious to me that he likes me but is also scared of maybe falling in love.
Both meetings were set up by me.
No talk of when we'd see each other again.
He seems to be pulling away...not sure though
I am SURE that I want to make the effort to see him again but I'm not sure about him.
Should I wait for him to ask me to meet up again?
What's my next move? :/
Sincerely,
KC
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi KC, thanks for your question. My name is XXXXX XXXXX I'd like to help you out.

It sounds like things have been pretty good since you met each other. After seeing each other twice already and everything being amazing, it is possible that there's some truth to the idea that he may be scared of falling in love or things getting too serious too quickly if you're starting to get that feeling.

Overall though, if your connection is good together, then the suggestion of meeting up again in the future shouldn't make or break the relationship or the feelings that you have for each other. Since you have been the one to take the initiative so far, perhaps you can say something simple like, "Let me know when you want to get together again and we'll figure something out," and in that way you've expressed your desire to see him, but it also puts the ball in his court so that is not any added pressure on him to make arrangements more quickly that he is comfortable with.

I can understand why you want to make the right move and the right decision. Sometimes letting him take the lead in terms of seeing each other may help you to figure out whether or not he actually is pulling away. Otherwise if the beginnings of this relationship is as good as it sounds, then there may be obstacles, but I assume that he is just as interested in making this work.

I definitely wish you the best with all of this and if there's anything else I can do to help just let me know.

Ryan
Customer: replied 2 years ago.

Ryan,


 


Thank you so much for your wonderful answer. When fear is thrown into the mix I am at a loss for words on how to proceed. Your suggestion of exactly what to say is EXTREMELY helpful.


 


Any other phrases or questions you could suggest I could ask him would be greatly appreciated.


 


Have a wonderful day


 


Sincerely,


XXXXX XXXXX

Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 2 years ago.
Hi Kimberly, I'm very glad I could help. If you wouldn't mind leaving me a positive rating when we're finished I would appreciate it.

As far as other phrases or questions to ask him, I would think that for now it may be best to keep things pretty simple and straightforward until you get a better sense of whether he's actually pulling back or not. He has liked you for you so far, and at this point it seems like whatever you've been doing has been working pretty well since you've had such a good time together. So other than letting him know that you're willing to see him again whenever he's ready, you may just want to play it cool and just be the same person that he's been so happy to talk to and spend time with during the time you've known each other.

If you start to see that something really is wrong, I'd be happy to help you figure out how to best approach that. Just start the question with "attn Ryan" and it will get sent my way. I hope that makes sense and that things work out. All the best,

Ryan
Ryan LCSW, Relationships
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 872
Experience: Professional therapist
Ryan LCSW and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 2 years ago.
Ryan,
Thank you again for your advice. I used those beautifully crafted words and the reply I received was "Right now! I'm going in the shower ;)"
Haaha oh well.
I think I took the most out of your reply in the "won't make or break the relationship" I'm 40 years old. I am comfortable enough to take chances to ask and not play games. It certainly takes away unnecessary anxiety and fear.
So... I asked him to meet me for dinner. He said it sounded like fun but he has his kids most of the weekend. And thanked me for asking.
Thanks again for that boost in confidence.
Sincerely,
Kimberly Cook
Expert:  Ryan LCSW replied 2 years ago.
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