How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

We are a newly merged family I moved my girls and I in june

Resolved Question:

We are a newly merged family

I moved my girls and I in june 2011 and we have our share of issues but all in all, everything has become a rhythm with hard work and rules
My man and I got married this past june and with in four days after our wedding he needed to move to houston - he was unable to find a job for the entire year and needed to move to gain employment.

We have gotten along very well despite speed bumps here and there. When he moved to Houston I took over managing the bills and his kids needs as well.

The good news is that on my birthday last september he surprised me with a copy of his offer letter to begin work near our home! I was very excited. But when I asked where's my present he said that was it. I immediately said, no, that a gift should not be for his benefit so we disagreed but he said to go get something and he will pay for it. Not optimal but I agreed.

If I were to pick a moment where things started getting worse, it would be my birthdate.

His son's birthdate was the next day and he handed his sone a 250 check. when I asked what my budget would be a few days later, he said $100 and that really hurt - but I didn't mention anything.

Since my birthdate we have not gotten along. He in essence is no longer me treating well. If there is something missing in the kitchen he would shake the empty item at me and set it on the table. He makes plans with other people and not with me. He does not talk in general, but even more so to me now. He is no longer affectionate and treats my kids with a kind of tolerance.

The last straw came the other day. I travel through out the country and this trip took me to missippi. I pay bills every other week and the direct tv was due on the 1st. so I simply held the bill since new funds would be availble on the 30th then I would pay. Well I was in missipi until 1am saturday the first and was exhausted. I simply forgot about the direct tv bill.

when I came home from work on monday, there was also a sign from the water company - shut off notice - oops. I didn't see the initial bill. there is over 3k in the account. So I went upstairs and began to log in when my husband walked in and asked "is there trouble with the bills?" I said "no, i just have to pay them, I am doing it right now" Then he went on and said "did you want me to take over he bills?" then I looked right at him realizing he was serious and I said "sure, I really don't care who does it, but if you want to go for it" his response was "That's right, you have poor credit, that's why you don't care. I can't have you ruining my credit."

That was hurtful, and I asked him to leave. He would not, until I heard him out. So I agreed to whatever he wanted and he left. After that I could not talk to him. I remained in the room stunned. by the way the direct tv is in my name but the level of anger and resentment that came through was unbelievable.

In the middle of that night, he was restless and kept on getting up. I held him and asked him what's wrong and tried to comfort him. He said I don't respect him. That stunned me too. So I simply said, "how can you say that when I listened and agreed to everything you want?" then he simply said, you treat us all poorly. That hit me hard, because I strive each and everyday to take care of our entire family - I do everything and ask nothing of him. my response was "this family is too difficult for me to take care of if you are all unhappy especially since you treat me and my girls poorly - I'm done" So I left the bedroom and went downstairs, he followed me and ordered me back to bed, and I was in tears and said no. Then he said please and I went up stairs, and could not stop crying.

I still can not stop crying - that was awful. So I began not to care.

I don't know what happened?
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I am so sorry what happened. I could surely imagine why you were stunned and very upset. Everything seemed to be good between you all and he came out of no where with that. That was very hurtful to say. It seems like he may be holding things within and got to a "breaking point". Maybe things bothered him in the past and he did not say anything until now and due to the way he holds it in he ended up saying it in this manner.

Seems as if there may be a lot of unsaid things on his part unless he was just stressed out that day and said it due to this own issues he may be going through. Either way the best thing that you can do is sit down with him and have a face to face conversation. Let him know how you feel for him and ask him to please tell you everything he feels about you even if not good. Let him know you apologize for any wrong doing, but you had no clue that he felt this way. Ask him if he truly felt what he said that day then go from there. It seems like you both need a deep heart to heart conversation going over any issues you both may have with one another as well as apologizing and coming to a solution or compromise. This is the only way you will truly get to the bottom of this. I hope that you feel better and sorry that you are still crying. That was hurtful and it is only fair to you that he let's you know if this is how he truly feels or not and exactly how he feels about that. You deserve this conversation to plan what is best for you and your girls.

I hope you feel better, but I am here for you. Please let me know if I can help you further whether you have more questions or need clarification. Don't hesitate to reply if you need.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency