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Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1386
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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A new question is answered every 9 seconds the beginning of the year I was newly single from

Customer Question the beginning of the year I was newly single from a long term emotionally abusive relationship. After 5 months I thought I was ready to start dating, in hind sight I really wasn't. I met a guy in May, and we hit it off. We had all the same hobbies in common, which was a new experience for me. We had a lot of fun together......but then I started doing some weird things. For example: he spent the night at my house and I got up before him so I turned the monitor from my kids room on so that I could hear when he got up.....yeah, in hind sight that would've freaked me out a little too. At the time I just didn't want to be rude and leave a guest to wonder around my house while I was outside having coffee, but he thought I was listening to him sleeping......when I spent the night at his house I couldn't sleep, but couldn't exactly wonder around someone's else's place either so I just put my head on his chest and laid there thinking about my day, problem is it freaked him out when he woke up and thought I was staring at him.....
After he'd already stop calling I found out I was pregnant. I told him about it and that I was going to use the abortion pill. Part of me wonders if it was just a perfect storm of stress and hormones.
I know this is why he disappeared because it got back to me. Now I realize that I was still dealing with what I had gone through previously, and totally gave this guy the wrong impression. How do I explain to him that isn't who I am at all?
How do you get someone you acted like a crazy girl around to give you a second chance?
Submitted: 3 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.

My name is Jennifer and I am here to help. Please allow me a few minutes to carefully read your question and prepare an answer for you.


Customer: replied 3 years ago.
Thank you
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 3 years ago.
Hi, no problem,

Unfortunately, first impressions mean a lot to people even though sometimes it does not show who we truly are. If you really like him I would suggest you have a talk with him and apologize for everything you feel was not appropriate. Explain to him how you came out of a bad relationship and may have not been ready yet for a new relationship, but you are now. If you feel comfortable getting into details as to why you did what you did -you can! Then continue the conversation as you see fit depending on his reactions. Tell him this is not the person you really are and would like to have a 2nd chance to make a first impression.

Actions is what really is going to prove who you are to him, but first he would need to accept to have that talk and accept the second chance. This is most important in order for you to have the opportunity to truly show him who you are through actions. If he is not willing to accept then there is no other way to show him unless he is willing to remain friends. In that case you could build the friendship and show him who you really are then see where that leads. So, if he is not willing to go further then I would encourage you to enjoy a friendship with him in order for him to get to know you better.

Please let me know if I can be if further help whether you may have more questions or need clarification please do not hesitate to reply. I am here to help you.

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