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Dr. Paige
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
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"i really dont know if this is something related to psychol

Customer Question

"i really don't know if this is something related to psychology... my prob is that i like a guy but not sure if he likes me... our parents know each other for the past 10 years... though i haven't seen him or talked to him a lot, i have just seen him twice. The only thing we do is have a couple of silly fights through social networking site. i cant tell him that i like him as im afraid what he would think of me n that the relationship between our parents n between us wud end forever. I keep on thinking of this guy n unable to concentrate on anything. Would anyone advise me on this please.
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. Well, you don't have many options at all here. You are never going to know if he likes you unless you either confront him about it or wait for him to say something. I'm not sure why you think the relationship between your parents would be effected at all by this. If he does like you and you end up being together, then what's the difference anyway? Just because you would mention to him that you would like to go out sometime wouldn't be the end of the world if he said no. I don't see how this would end your relationship at all. Why not ask him to go out? One of you has to make a move on this or else you are just going to be in the same situation as you are now, not ever knowing. So you should ask him to go out or sit and wait it out. That is really your only choice right now.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

actually i reside in india n he in dubai... im afraid on what he would think of me if i say this out.. if he says a 'no' then it wud be very difficult for me to face him ever... and what if he stops talking to me after saying this.. awd the other prob is that, we both belong to the same religion but different subcastes. i dont know if he's particular about all that... i am ready to wait. but what if he doesnt even think of this?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
If he stops talking to you, then what kind of person does that tell you that he is? I know it is stressful that you are thinking about him all the time and he is not offering you any insight to what his feelings are towards you, but if the possible results are worrying you about speaking your mind, then your only other alternative is to wait it out. I know its stressful to do this, but weigh the differences of your actions and their possible conclusions. If you are afraid that he will look at you differently because of it, then maybe you should just wait for a bit. If you both are communicating on social sites, then there are ways for you to joke around and be a little flirty with him and feel the situation out a little more.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

but, which do u feel is a better option? i have 2 more years to complete my BE course and he is currently working. should i wait till then? or just leave it to fate... i'm totally confused... i know i'm sounding a little stupid... :( the problem is if he rejects then i wud b depressed all the more... n it would be embarassing too. its just bcoz we know each other for years i'm unable to speak out.. if it was someone else i wud have ...

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
No not at all! It depends, what do you think is the best for your situation? There are no set rules to follow here. I would keep communicating with him through social networking and get to know each other a bit more on that level and see how it goes. There is no reason you can't grow a friendship. The best relationships begin from a friendship. Instead of having "silly fights" online, why don't you have real conversations and talk about things which would help you determine if you both would be a good fit?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

:). ok... but how ? all of a sudden how will i start something? i mean.. conversation on what.. he always teases me.. n thats how we fight... but a fight in a way that does not hurt either of us.. i guess these small fights hav made me into him..

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Well, that depends. I don't know your relationship as well as you do. It doesn't have to be anything serious right off or anything. If he teases you, it sounds like he might be flirting with you a little bit. The next time he says something, you can say something like...I know you just say that because you like me :) This way, you can back out and say you were also just joking with him in case he doesn't react well to that. You want to stay "safe" in your conversations. If you both joke around with each other, that's a good start to any type of talking. What do you have in common? Music? Something social like that would also be a good conversation starter.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

ok.. yes.. i can do that !! :-) well i feel so relieved talking to you... thankyou so much... :-)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

but i have 1 more doubt... he's a guy who flirts with all the girls. for example.. if a girl says "i like" seeing his pic, instead of "thankyou" it wud be "love u too" . what if he is not serious with me too? or how can i figure it out??

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
hhmmm yes that can be tricky. There is no sure way to know. You just need to continue speaking with him and go with a lot of your gut feeling. Being so far away from him and given your nature of lack of face to face with him, it is difficult. If you were with him, it would be easier to read the situation. Take it slow and try to be patient. Eventually he will show his true meaning to you.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes.. thanku so much doctor.. :-) now i have a littile hope somewhere in my mind... let me try if i can figure it out.. i will surely get back to you. :-) hope you will be here.. if possible please give me your email id.. so that anytime in life if it happens i wud be able to contact you.. Thankyou once again !! :-)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi, i just told this guy that i like him last night. But to my surprise he was very harsh on me n said right now he has no time to think abt all this and also said this has never been his area of interest. He said he behaved freely not with such an intention. i knew that his intentions were not this as i did tell u earlier. Now my prob is in case he or his parents come home how am i supposed to face them..? Though i have asked him to keep this between us. He dint allow me to speak further and told me to put an end to this topic. Infact even this has never been my area of interest n this was the first guy. Now i feel i should have kept this within me. Maybe, now he might have given me the tag 'bad'. I really feel bad. Its a situation where i cant even cry before anyone.I dont know why he behaved so rudely. It was very evident from his chat msgs. In between he told me to complete my course n try to gain something out of it in a very ironic way,which did hurt me all the more. What should i do ? Was this such a big mistake? How am i supposed to face him again? And in case his brother and his parents get to know abt this i really wonder how i wud stand before them. He did not tell me that he doesnt like me. Just that he is not thinking of all this now. But his harsh behaviour is something which i really dint expect. Does this mean that he does not like me? Please advice me on this. Im really tensed.

 

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Well, that is a surprise. Maybe you should not have been so direct with him, but none of that matters now, what is done is done. You can't change it. Do not feel bad or embarrassed by expressing your feelings. About his family; just be yourself. Ignore that this ever happened. Do you feel the way you said? If so, then leave it at that. Assume that he told no one about it unless they say something to you. If they do, don't apologize. He is the one who acted inappropriately and rude, you did nothing wrong. Have that attitude about it. What could they possibly do or say to change your feelings? Nothing. Try and brush this off a bit and feel confident that you told him how you felt. I don't think that this means he doesn't like you, he just may not be interested in a relationship right now because of other things going on. I know it is difficult, but try and think of this as no big deal. It's not like you asked him to marry you or anything! If HE brings it up, tell him that you thought his reaction was hurtful and rude. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about it.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

ok.. should i just convert this whole thing as a joke ?? by just saying that "it was just a part of a bet" or something just to know how u would react.. ??

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
That's up to you. I would say no, not to do that because you want to be true to yourself. I honestly think if you do that, it may make you feel worse about it. If you do that, it will change the meaning of your intentions. If you really feel that way, then I would stand by it. That would be up to you though, if you really think it would make the situation more bearable for you, then you can do that, but think about the long term effects of it first.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

but atleast he wudnt feel ill of me i guess... cud u pls explain on the consequences if i twist the whole story ?? n even if i, would he believe it?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Well, a lie is a lie. It would be difficult to be specific on the outcome, given the fact that he reacted to unexpected the first time. If he is sensitive about this subject, then he may not change his stance at all. If I were you, I would be more apt to tell him that it made you feel hurt and embarrassed, his reaction. It depends also in how and what you said to him and in what manner. I would not say it was a bet or that anyone else was involved in your telling him, because that would actually make him feel belittled as though he was the butt of a joke. I just think you run the risk of making things worse if you say something like that. I think the best course of action is to stand firm in your statement and put the stress of this back on him, as he is the one who acted inappropriately. If he was not interested in a relationship, there are much nicer ways to say it. It is possible that he does feel bad for saying whatever he said to you. I'm hoping if he is any kind of decent person, that he is.
I don't think it is a good idea to start a string of lies even if it seems like a harmless twist on things. If anything, you could tell him that you weren't as serious as he made his reaction and you were just feeling the situation out, it was no big deal.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes i did ask him the reason for him being so harsh. He said he's not being harsh n he was never his area of interest n hence i wud feel it cld or harsh ! can i sent the parts of the conversation so that i get a firm idea on what to do?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
You can. I'm not sure I will change my stance of not lying and keeping true to yourself, as this is always the best way. The other thing you can do if you honestly feel bad is to just apologize and leave it at that.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

i began the conversation by asking him about the official trip he had the very same day morning. After all that i said i i have got something to tell him and he asked me "what". Actually i dint want to be so direct. But he was very cool in the beginning, so just thought of saying it out having a feeling that the response would be same anytime! the converstion goes like this :

myself : i dont know if saying this to u is right or wrong ..

n i dont know how u wud react to it !

he: i see.. then u better not say.

myself : no?

he: u said u dont know. Then y shud you tell me ? :-D

myself : yes i dont know !! :)

he : ok

myself : u may find it as crap .. :-):-)

he : ic..ok.

myself : at some point i hav realized tht i like you . though i have very limited knowledge abt u.

he : what?

myself : what's so much to understand in this ?

he : i was asking whether u r in ur senses..??

myself : why? i know your ans " i hav no time" :p

he : study n try to gain something out of it in ur good time ..

myself : ?

he : what do u think would be my response to this ??

myself : thats wht i said i dont know !!

he : There would not be a fwd talk on that topic .. simply put - - -

myslef :ok fine ..i just said wht i felt.. nthn else !

he : ok.

myself : y u getting so angry ? was that such a big mistake ?

he : din say so

myself : n what does my studies got to do with this ? i hav been studying for all this while.. n have been quite successful in it ! n tht will continue..

i dint ask u tell me a yes or no either !

he : Indirect statement to change subject.

myself : ok

can i get an answer ?? i will stop aftr tht..i will go ..

he : There would not be a fwd talk means what? I don't respond in rude.

myself : that i understud

u r quite rude now

will u answer my last qs?

i will leave for sure..

he : wht qs?

myself : will u tell me the reason for u giving me such a harsh negative response ..?

even without thinking for a min ??

he : This is no harsh response. These are things that I am not thinking of at all now. My free behaviour was not with an intend of giving a thought of such .There's no harsh response or any other meaning to it.

myself : ok

let me clarify 1 last thinng... i know u r not in a situation to think of all this now.. nor am i interested in what u think i am interested in !

n i havent mistaken ur free behaviour !

he : This has always been a topic out of my interest. Hence you might find my response to be cold or harsh.

myself : nor did i expect you to say yes.this topic has always been smthn out of my interest too ! n thats a known fact to all !

this is the first time tht i hav thot .. n just said it

n that does not mean that coz u behaved freely, you hav created such a feeling ! nor hav i taken u wrong...i knew u wud react this way ! n i knew ur intentions werent this...i just wanted to know u a lil more btr ! thats it !

he : K

myself : n im sorry ! hope this wud remain btw us !

he : its'k

fine.

myself : sorry for what i hav done ! if it was a mistake !

bye !

tc

 

 

 

 

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Ok. I see that by communicating with text or IM can be difficult, in that when not face to face, it is difficult to read reactions in their proper context. I do think that he was not as rude to you as you are taking this, and he may have just been honest. I don't think this is even close to as big of a deal as you are making it to be and I don't think you need to be that upset about it. I would bet that he isn't thinking much about this and if he is, he may be more confused about your reaction and reading him as being rude. I would continue speaking with him as nothing has happened. I don't think that he will say anything to anyone in his family about this. You have to understand that you have been building this up in you for awhile, therefore the intensity of it is great for you. For someone like him who was blindsided by this, it is not as intense of a situation and there is not months of feeling and emotion attached to it. I know you feel embarrassed about all of this right now, but I still stand by my thought of letting this go. I know it is difficult, but try and pretend as though it never happened. Don't mention it to him or anyone again and see what happens. Try and feel confident in that you expressed your feelings.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

ok. but i dont think he would talk to me as before. And it is quite difficult for me too !! but does this say he doesnt like me at all or is that he is just not ready for it now.. ? i thought to refrain from talking to him now onwards thinking he wouldnt be free to me as before n would also have the feeling that i am taking things in the wrong sense. So what should i do now ? Shall i just leave all this n just forget about him..? though it is quite difficult.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

actually i really feel i have let my parents down too... :-( i dont know why..

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

laslty, can you tell me what i should be doing in brief so that i may follow it and forget the rest .. please..

 

what hurts me the most is his statement "this was never my topic of interest" . i have a feeling that he has taken me as if i say this to each and every guy i see. or are these just my silly thoughts ?? i feel so bad because i know im not such a kind of a girl... i have never felt like this to any other guy nor did i have ever believed in all this..

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I don't think he takes it to mean that at all. I just think it means that he has not thought about a relationship right now because of the other things he has going on in his life. You should not feel as though you let anyone down. Speaking your mind is a good thing, even if it does not give you the results that you wanted. Try and look at this as though at least you go an answer.
What you should be doing is getting on with your life and try and forget about this. You don't have to forget about him, in fact, I'm certain that you can still carry on a level of friendship. Maybe not right now, but in the near future. I think you are making this a bigger deal than he is and he probably doesn't think less of you at all.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes i will do that ! One of my friend just said, maybe not now. What if he thinks of you at the time he is ready to get into a relationship, as i have opened up my mind.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I agree with your friend as well! Just try and let it go and act normal. No big deal. He knows how you feel now, so that can be a positive int he future.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thankyou so much Dr. :) :)

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Please keep me posted !
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

today early morning i recieved a msg saying that "not a matter of what u have done .. its jst ur thought came outta the blue .. so the fact of not taking u at all that way was suddenly a question .. thats why a reaction of such kind .. don worry abt it .." should i reply to this ? and what does this mean ? after a day all of a sudden he has replied to my last msg that u can see in the conversation.

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

today early morning i recieved a msg saying that "not a matter of what u have done .. its jst ur thought came outta the blue .. so the fact of not taking u at all that way was suddenly a question .. thats why a reaction of such kind .. don worry abt it .." should i reply to this ? and what does this mean ? after a day all of a sudden he has replied to my last msg that u can see in the conversation.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I would blow it off and continue to talk to him as you have been for all this time, as a friend. I think he feels bad that you feel bad about it and he doesn't want to lose your friendship. He said don't worry about it, so don't. He has had a few days to think about the entire conversation, so this is the result. I think it's a good thing. Just go back to your normal conversations with him like you always have.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

ok... does it mean that he is not at all interested? or are there chances that as said earlier he could consider sometime later when he is ready ? should i reply anythng ?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I think there is a chance. I think you should reply, but don't mention anything about what you said or about a relationship. I would just go back to making small talk with him. Whatever you guys used to talk about before this came up. A general, hi how are you doing today kind of thing. He knows how you feel now and I think that is a good thing. Once he is done with his studies, he may want to revisit this and pursue something with you.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

he is working... yes, maybe after he gets into a firm position. So, i still can keep hopes.. right? :)

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

he was online.. n i just asked how he is doing n . he replied he's ok n asked how i am. I too i said i'm gud. And he was like "kk". is that ok? shud i tell or ask him anythng more ?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Yes, keep up hopes, but you also don't want to put your entire life on hold. If you happen to meet a nice man in the mean time, don't ignore that in order to wait for this other guy. Live your life and keep this in the back of your mind, not as your priority.
I would just carry on as normal with him. I don't know how your normal day goes and how much you usually communicate with him, but I would just go back to doing what you normally do as far as a conversation.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

ok. thankyou so much !! :-)

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
No problem. Keep me posted ! Have a great day.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Dr. i just closed my social networking accounts. i am still not able to get out of it.. so thought of deactivating my account. Is that alright.. ? I dont think he will keep contacts with me anymore !

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
I'm not certain what you mean.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

its like i just dont feel comfortable when i see him online and i again start thinking too negative..so i thought to keep away from it..

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Oh ok. Probably a good choice for now.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

hi.. i just activated my account yesterday n came to see some sort of a hilarious rather an inspirational post that says "if you dont like me buy a map and get a car , go to hell" so i just shared it... !! to my surprise this guy has liked the post.. n it is for the first time that he has 'liked' something' on my wall.... does this have some other meaning ? is he trying to convey that he does not like me at all n trying to say that i should have this in mind.. ?? since i had kept away for a while.... i know i'm thinking too much ..

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hi. Yes, you are thinking too much. (funny post though :) ) I don't think there is any meaning in it at all that he liked it. Think about how many times you have liked a post or someone has done the same to you. It's done out of a reaction. He probably found it funny and that's about it. I would blow it off as nothing. He may jut be happy to see you back online.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

That's true !! But just because he liked the my post for the first time.. though i had put several other ones before, this has never happened. So got a feeling that he's trying to convey that even if he says 'no' or maybe as he has said 'not for now' i should have this attitude and just blow it off rather than keeping away. Maybe it's just because of the situation and that i have this in mind.

 

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Its definitely because of the situation, you are looking into this more than you should. He may be trying to convey that he has no hard feelings and he still wants to be friends and keep things as they were. OR he just thought it was funny. Either way, I see nothing bad or negative in his actions.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Thankyou so much !! :-) I'm trying my best to get out of this.. as said earlier.. what if he himself comes back later... sometime, when he is ready and if he feels !! :))

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
That is a good attitude! I'm sorry I didn't get back with you earlier, I was having a problem logging into this site!
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

well... after so many days.. one of my friend came up and told me to forget about this and that he might have not found u beautiful physically in his perspective.. one thing i have noticed is even through social networking sites he responds to all the other girls posts which including their pics and all that stuff.. but never responds to mine.. has this got anythn to do with this ??

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Another thing said to me by my friend is that i do not have to worry at all about this.. as said earlier he hasnt got into a firm position till now though he is well educated nor is he the so called 'handsome' . She says if a girl like me can like him knowing all this and then if he says 'no' he is the loser. She told me it was good that i told him i like him now when he has nothing.. a time when no girl would dare to accept him ... later he wudnt say that i din't tell him this when he had nothing and that he should realize this fact that even at his worst days you could accept and like him leaving all the other things aside. She said he should realize that i am a simple girl and didnt think of anything else and it is him whom i liked and not his wealth or any other aspect. She told me as long as i have a good character n as long as i am beautiful enough in others eyes forget about the rest and that he has no right to judge me at all as he does not stand bright in the 'appearance' factor. He's a guy with average looks so am i.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Your friend is absolutely right !
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

now the most painful part is that he has stopped talking to me as predicted !! :) i really don't know what to do i even find it so difficult and embarassed to even reply to his mom's new year wishes...

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Don't be embarrassed. He is the one acting like a fool, not you. You should reply to his mom as you normally would.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes i will.. shall i stay away for a while from all this ?? It's like whenever i see him i start getting all kind of negative thoughts and my day is gone...

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
You want to stay away from negativity. Hold your head high, you are a good person, he is the one who is acting immature by not speaking with you. That's his loss. Move on with your day to day and try and stay positive.
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Yes i will try !! :) Thankyou and Wish you a Happy and Prosperous New Year !! :))))

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
You as well !!
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi, i'm again on this with something that i just heard. Someone told me that i shoudn't have told him that i like him first. Never chase a man or tell him you like him first. He has to chase you. If he does not, there is a reason...he is not interested. He does not view this as a big huge "put my heart on the sleeve and put my feelings on display and got rejected" as you do. He just sees it as a slight compliment and a minor brush of dust off his sleeve.

It is very important sometimes to a girl to tie into a guy with ties to the parents but you cannot value this and you need to see who is asking you out. Not whom you choose...

Now what's this all about?? :(((( Whenever i try to forget about this, someone or the other would come up with all sorts of comments..... I'm not trying to chase anyone....

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Don't listen to that person. First off because there are no rules. That is just silly and unrealistic. Second, because you can't change the past. Why worry about it ? People who say things like this do so because they have failed at something like this and want to push their ideas on someone else. Don't listen to it!
Dr. Paige, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1357
Experience: Ph.D. Licensed Psychologist
Dr. Paige and 3 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Ok ! I dont know where this is taking me.. Anyway, thankyou so much !! :))))

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
NO problem. Just go with it one day at a time and try not to listen to anyone else !
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi doctor !! :-) This guys parents r coming home tomorrow... i'm really very tensed. Thought of many ways to escape from all this.. but unfortunately i'm not able to. I really don't know how i am going to face them. I also don't know if they are aware of it. What should i do.. though i'm out of all that n not concerned at all about him !

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Well, you have to think what are your options? If they do know, will they say something to you? I would guess not. The best thing to do is to pretend it never happened and to be as normal as possible. I know that is hard to do, but again, think about your options. What else can you do really?
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Well yes doctor :-) Meanwhile i came to meet up with another person. A guy whom i met online. We did exchange our numbers.We started chatting and its now been almost 3 months. We have talked through phone just twice or thrice. Now my problem is... one day he came up saying that he likes me . I just took it as a joke because i wasnt and still not sure if he's just playing around. He says he doesn't take anything seriously in life but that didnt mean that he is not serious with me. He says he is not flirting. Though we just talk as friends and i keep a safe distance. He says he doesn't want me to keep such a distance and that i should be very open and frank to him in all matters. He says he likes talking to me. But just 2 days back, just for fun i had sent him an emoticon of a heart and then he replied he loves me too ! I told him i had just sent it to him for a fun sake. But he said he really meant it.. BUT not a serious one. He again emphasizes that he likes talking to me n he is concerned about me at times. He says hes not a romantic type of guy. But what i dont understand is that.. how is he taking all this and what does he mean by he loves me but not a serious one ?? Is this just a time pass for him ? He also doesn't like talking about marriages and ofcourse i too don't. Can u advice me on this.. if i shud accept this or is he just playing around or something? He also said he wants to meet me.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Hello. I'm glad you found someone to spend your time with and who you have mutual feelings for. A lot of times, guys have a different definition of love and can use it in a less serious manner than women do. Even if he says he meant it in a more serious way, he may be just expressing his feelings for you without dedication or commitment to a long term future.
I think what you should do now is to enjoy your time with him and try not to look into things too much until things get more serious, if they do. Treat him as a good friends who may work into a more serious relationship. I think he is genuine in his feelings of admiration for you and he isn't just passing time. If you both have a good level of friendship, then just build on that and go from there.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

yes.. i have disclosed about him to my parents.. nothing serious.. just as a friend. But.. being very conservative .. my mum tells me at times "i dont think this will work seeing the way it is moving". He also started keeping a distance when i told him this... maybe im too much. He again insists that that he likes talking to me.. n then says "i'm never serious on anything". i dont take serious matters seriously. So this sort of talks create a sort of confusion in me. Maybe because of the pressure i get from my parents. Should i take that seriously? He says he wants to meet me.. so should i go for it? He is planning to go abroad .. maybe in a year or something..so thrs probably a gap again.. i'm just confused if i should proceed..... because i dont want my to hurt myself again... just in case we get close. :-) few days back he told me for 2 years he is not ready to get into anything with any girl. Its from that time, i started understanding what he meant and is something agreeable to me too. But what should i answer to my parents.. or should i just ignore it.. So on the whole i'm just confused :-)


 


 


 


 

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
Well, you need to decide what you want in a relationship. If you are looking for something long term which can lead to a solid future, maybe he isn't the one for you. If you don't mind having a good time with someone for awhile and not get into a serious relationship, there is nothing wrong with that. As long as both of you go into this with the same expectations, there should be no disappointment. He has been clear in that he is moving abroad in the next year or so and you know this, so what do you want to do? If you enjoy spending time with him and accept that it probably will be nothing that lasts into the future, than by all means, have fun with him. But if your ultimate goal is to meet "the one" to spend your life with, odds are, he may not be it. As long as you have that reality always in the forefront of your mind, you should not be disappointed. You can tell your parents that you also don't know where it is going but you are happy and enjoy spending time with him. Try to be as honest as you can with yourself and others around you including your parents.
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Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Okay :-) He had texted me the previous day and said he wants to meet me as both of us are free. Though he had suggested this earlier we couldn't make it somehow and delayed it due to some reasons. Shall i meet him tomorrow? Well, i don't know what's in his mind, he says he wants to talk to me. Is he looking forward to the way i look or something?? this is also something i'm not sure of ! (Though i have gained a few extra pounds) :-D Is this a great deal? He has seen all my recent pics n all. Leaving all that, should i meet him tomorrow? If yes, then is there anything particular i should keep in mind?

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 1 year ago.
If you are happy and excited about the meeting and you trust him than of course meet with him! As far as keeping things in mind, I guess given the honesty of the situation of your relationship, you should expect anything could happen. It may be something very positive, something negative or nothing at all. Be open to any possibility. Keep me posted.
Customer: replied 11 months ago.

Hi DR, i'm again confused about the same thing. I have to attend a wedding from his side and now the situation is like., i cannot stay back n my parents r forcing me to accomoany them. As its quite far n they might not be able to reach on time. But i feel really embarassed to face him, knowing not what he would think of me, But 1 thing is sure tht his parents arent aware of wht has happened. If i dont attend the wedding his parents might think ill

of me and i have this thng on my mind. How am i going to face him? Should i really go? We have spoken after tht normally but have never seen each other, Please advice me on this.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 11 months ago.
If I read your question correctly your parents are going to make you go regardless. So you have to go. About facing him, all you have to do is either avoid him as much as you can or if that isn't possible, just have a casual attitude about everything. Understand that this isn't as big of a deal to anyone else as it is to you and if you show your fear, then he will see it too. You should go and not let this situation own you forever.
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Customer: replied 7 months ago.

Hello Dr .. hope you are doing fine. I'm again here for your advice.. the issue between the guy i (family friend) has been resolved. As you told me, i did go for the wedding and he acted very normal n made me all the more comfortable by cracking his usual jokes of me.. something which i least expected. We are the way we used to be now :-) probably a few months back he asked me for my number, which made me all the more happy. Well, i have kept my feelings towards him aside, the one i used to have for him a year back..thinking i shudnt hurt myself again ! And about the other guy which i discussed with you a few months later.. i still havent got a chance to meet up with him. Its been really long.. and whenever we decide to meet up, something important pops up for him. its been almost 3 times that this is been happening. This time my problem is.. He has confessed that he really likes me and wud definitely like to meet. I had made up as story a few days back about me getting a proposal n i asked him if i should go or not. He immediately told me not to go and meet the guy. I just wanted to know how he would react to it. recently i got a proposal officialy from my parents.. and thats really taunting me now. Since we havent met up my mum feels that he is just playing . But he has clearly told me that he wud meet up very soon. Do you think the same..? is he playing? or shud i wait? i really dont have an answer when such kind of questions arrise. I cant tell him about this either.. untill n unless i meet him. Hope you got to know the situation i'm in right now.. Could you please advice me on this.


Sorry for the trouble.. but your advice has always been a great support for me. :-)

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 7 months ago.
Hello. I think your mum is probably correct. My guess would be that he likes having control over you to a point because he told you not to meet anyone else, yet he still hasn't met up with you. It depends what "very soon" means and all of his previous reasons for not doing so.
I would wait, but only a very little time. Give him a final chance for something to not pop up and actually meet you. If he doesn't, then move on.
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Customer: replied 7 months ago.

Alright. When i ask him about this he says there is no reason for me to doubt him as he was the first to ask to meet up from day 1. He leaves me a message daily even if i dont pop up for a few days. So, i'm really confused. Hope things go well.


 

Customer: replied 7 months ago.

Alright. When i ask him he tells me there is no reason for me to doubt him as he was the first who wanted to meet up from day one. So,i'm just confused. Hope it goes well.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 7 months ago.
He likes to have control over you I think. This can be something to watch out for if he doesn't follow through. If he really wanted to be with you, he would. He would make it happen regardless of obstacles. You need to go by his actions not his words, which at this point mean very little. He needs to follow through.
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Customer: replied 7 months ago.

Hello Dr... today i had met with this guy as he told me.. we both spoke normally.. all general kind of stuffs.. n yes a bit of personal matters. we spent almost an hour. We left.. and and after a while he had messaged me asking if h did reach home n all. And i directly asked him about what he felt after seeing me. He did not give me any direct answers.. n just said "u know how i feel about you." Well, i felt that was a matter before we met and not after the meeting... i said i need to know what he feels about me right now. He just said " will know" so. I'm confused. But, as a matter of fact i did not feel any difference in the way he messaged me even after this. He's a very open person and would say it right out, no matter where or whom. Still, as i haven't got a clear answer.. this kind of negative feeling. Even just before leaving he said "this is not the last time that we are goin to meet" and also that i looked exactly the way i was in the pics.. as we met through internet. Would he have even messaged me if he wasn't interested? He asked me the same thing after sometime. Since i wasn't sure.. i tried to skip saying that unless n until he gives me a clear answer i wudnt open up.. his reply was.. "thats upto you". So im just confused.. though i seriously havent got any negativities in the way he speaks.

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 7 months ago.
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Customer: replied 7 months ago.

I Get that. :) Yesterday after a while he msgd me saying that he is positive about the whole thing and would like to meet again soon.. Im just waiting to know where this will end. another difference i have noticed is that he is a bit more caring now.. since he clearly told me hes positive and said he hopes i feel the same .

Expert:  Dr. Paige replied 7 months ago.
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