How JustAnswer Works:

  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.
    Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Jen Helant Your Own Question

Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
13551071
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Jen Helant is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

Hi .. I used this site two years ago for a relation ship problem

Customer Question

Hi .. I used this site two years ago for a relation ship problem .. And I liked it alot .. And its was so helpful .. Now Im having a new problem and I need help please ..
Last year I was studying in the library and one girl sat in the next table in front of me , I didnt make anything but after couple days one of my friend was with me and he said to me and I saw the girl again .. After finishing study he told me she always was looking to you .. I noticed that later .. And I saw her many times after that before I was planning to talk to her .. But I think I made the wrong desgin becuase that day my friends were around and she was with her friend and I didnt introduce myself , I jumped and aksed her how are ? And I told her that I saw her in a place that day .. And I asked to join them and her friend jumped and said no .. Then I ignored her friend and I asked her for her number and she said she is not looking for someone right now ..
Now after that I stoped thinking of that girl though I think I was soo wrong and I didnt give her the chance .. But I keep seeing her in the library and I think she is still intersted , this term I asked her to join her will she was studing and she said shes waiting her friend , but when I sat in a different place she didnt stop looking ..
One day I was walking and she was studying with a different friend , and I think she told her about me , becuase her friend was looking to me for a while while was walking ..

I need help I want to fix all this misunderstanding .. And introduce myself right and maybe gives her an good impression of myself ??
Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.

jenhelant :

Hi My name is XXXXX XXXXX I would like to help you. Please give me a few moments to carefully read your question and prepare your answer

jenhelant :

Thanks

jenhelant :

Hi I do understand where you are coming from and why you would want to make things right in order to give it a fair shot. I think you were just very excited when you heard she liked you that you may have forgotten a few steps. I think the best thing to do from here is try to go up to her alone or if she always is with someone than you would need to do what Iam going to say in front of the friend. Unless you ask her if you can speak to her for a minute

jenhelant :

in private, but then you risk her saying no.

jenhelant :

Tell her something along the lines of " I am so sorry we came off the wrong foot the last time and I just wanted to apologize for that and introduce myself".

jenhelant :

Whether you talk in private or in front of a friend is up to you. Then I would just start up a conversation depending on where you are , such as

jenhelant :

if it is the library you can ask her if she studies there a lot or etc. You would need to find something pertaining to the situation you are in.

jenhelant :

Then you can go from there based on her response. You should then have a good idea of her reaction just from those few sentences. Then you can go from there depending

jenhelant :

on her reaction.

jenhelant :

Unfortunately, we can not change the past, but we can change the future.

jenhelant :

Also,

jenhelant :

if you want when you see her looking at you then you could try smiling at her and see what her reaction is even before you do what i just mentioned. However, that will tell you a lot if she smiles back, but if she does not then it can still be due to what happened before, so you would still need to do what i mentioned to clear the air.

jenhelant :

Please let me know if you have any questions or if I can help you further as well as if you need any clarification.

jenhelant :

Please reply back if needed and it will alert me when you are back online. We can then continue through email. Thanks

Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and 4 other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Our chat has ended, but you can still continue to ask me questions here until you are satisfied with your answer. Come back to this page to view our conversation and any other new information.

What happens now?

If you haven’t already done so, please rate your answer above. Or, you can reply to me using the box below.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Thank you for your comments .. After seeing her alot and doing nothing postive , do you think she still thinks in a postive way toward me ? Im afraid the event that happend first was almost one years old and its to late to do it , maybe could do something else ? What do you think ??
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
It is my pleasure to help. I think she could of took advantage of the situation when she had, but who knows if she took offense to it. Difficult since we do not know exactly what she is thinking. In any case if you feel you are interested and wanted to try I think this would be the best thing to do at this point. I think introducing yourself and starting small talk as well as apologizing for coming off the wrong way even though was a while ago would clear the air and open it for any future communication if she is truly interested.

Did you have any ideas that you have been considering that you would like to get my opinion on?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
No actually .. Is it not allowded ?
When I decided to give it a second try this time .. I asked her to join her in a table so I can talk with her , but she said no and my plans were gone since I dont have a second plan .. I thought if she still intersted she would say yes you can join .. But what keeping me thinks is when I see her she dont act like the girls who dont care a out that guy , I think her face becomes red and she act different .. As I notice when I see her ..
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
I understand what you are saying. I think she would have said yes also, but I see that you are still seeing her actions like she is interested, so can be confusing. This is why I think she may have thought the initial meeting did not go as planned, but she still seems interested. To clear your mind I would try what I mentioned and if the response is negative I would move on from there knowing that you did your part and whatever she is thinking we will never know, but you did all you could do.
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I noticed you have not given me a positive rating yet, so I was just wondering if I can help you further.

Thanks,
Jennifer
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi.. I hope you remember my case .. so I saw her after along time since I talked with you .. When I first saw her she didn't smile and she pretend if she havent see me .. she also was with one friend ... I think she dont want to see me ..

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,,

I remember you. I am sorry, but I have to agree with you. It really does not look to good given the situation. Are you still interested in her?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Yes Im still interested on her .. but Im in a difficult situation .. The first time I saw her she was really different .. now Im not sure if she is acting like this because she dont like me anymore or she is not anymore interested if she was or she decided to forget me .. and before I rarely see her with some friend .. which is not now .. and I think this makes it so hard ..


Many ideas are coming across my head .. at the beginning I thought she was interested on me so I decided to move but I didnt made it right ..then she still was interested on me I believe but I didnt made the right move also .. now I dont know ??

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
It is not your fault. You have done the right thing. She has been giving you very mixed messages. Have you tried to talk with her at all?
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
You are right but sometimes I think its my fault .. When I first saw her she was more relaxed and normally acting later she changed Or I would say after I talked with her the first time this was almost one year ago .. but Iater I thought i would give it another try .. today no I didnt talk with her .. her acting makes me confuse .. well from the first look she didnt seem pleasant to see me .. One time this was last term I saw her alone so I asked her to join her in a table .. she said she is waiting her friend and I said its Ok.. then after 1 hr her friend came .. the next day she was sitting in the same table I sat in the day before and she was looking at me after that she left ...

Now I dont know what to do ??
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Im sorry I choose the wrong one .. I wanted to choose the best one , but accidentally I choose this one .. do you know how can I change it ??

Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi .. so next time if I see her either alone or with a friend .. I asked her if I could join them in the table becuase I always see her in the labrairy .. and if she said yes I sit and start doing the conversation as a sign from her and if she said no you cant join I would get that a sign as she is not interseted and I have to be away from her ??? Is it a good plan.. because I need a good way to start a good conversation and to have a relaxed situation ???

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

I have one more question .. so even if she was with a friend I can focus on her .. and I can talk with while Im ignoring her friend .. is it right this way .. I mean if she was positive I will probably set up something at the end before leaving snd ask for her number .. this is all ok in front of her friend ??

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
Hi
Customer: replied 1 year ago.

Hi .. So I saw her two days ago with her friend .. and I asked to join and they said ok .. for the first minutes no one was talking .. I started on few times .. but then they were discussing about classes , so I took the opportunity and tried to help her with some classes for next term .. but after that we didnt have a lot of conversations .. I was trying to open some of them .. but on some times she was putting the headphones .. and she was reading .. I didnt like to distribute her .. and I was studying in the same time .. but before leaving I said it was nice to sit with them and I introduced myself and they as well .. and I asked if they going to be in the library tomorrow , they said yes .. so I said I will probably be coming so I can see you .. but I didnt go because I had some work to do .. but are there good signs ?? I mean if a girl know if someone wants her and was trying with her would she act like that ?? If I see her again will I sit with them again or just say hi ?? or do something else ?? ask for her phone or facebook ? or not good idea ??

Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.
Customer: replied 1 year ago.
So next time you suggest to know more about her .. Not to ask her out or something more serious ??
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
THIS ANSWER IS LOCKED!
You can view this answer by clicking here to Register or Login and paying $3.
If you've already paid for this answer, simply Login.

JustAnswer in the News:

 
 
 
Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.
 
 
 

What Customers are Saying:

 
 
 
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
< Last | Next >
  • Wonderful service, prompt, efficient, and accurate. Couldn't have asked for more. I cannot thank you enough for your help. Mary C. Freshfield, Liverpool, UK
  • This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!! Alex Los Angeles, CA
  • Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult. GP Hesperia, CA
  • I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion. Justin Kernersville, NC
  • Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. Esther Woodstock, NY
  • Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. Robin Elkton, Maryland
  • He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here. Diane Dallas, TX
 
 
 

Meet The Experts:

 
 
 
  • Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
< Last | Next >
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/DE/deedeeham/2011-1-24_51523_408.64x64.JPG Dear Debra's Avatar

    Dear Debra

    Advice Columnist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1719
    I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/formybunch/2010-12-06_191055_img_0975.jpg Kate McCoy's Avatar

    Kate McCoy

    Counselor

    Satisfied Customers:

    1235
    Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/RE/resolutions66/2011-1-17_05728_IMG8202smilingeditedforJustAnswer.64x64.jpg Elliott, LPCC, NCC's Avatar

    Elliott, LPCC, NCC

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    1215
    35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/CO/CoachJenK/2012-3-9_31019_Jen.64x64.jpg Coach Jen K.'s Avatar

    Coach Jen K.

    LMSW, CPC

    Satisfied Customers:

    726
    Providing the utmost care and support.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/IN/intrapsyc.com/2012-2-20_161928_RGMTPicturex5002012.64x64.png Rafael M.T.Therapist's Avatar

    Rafael M.T.Therapist

    Psychotherapist

    Satisfied Customers:

    549
    MHT-MHRS-MS-MA Integral Psychotherapist & Life Coach
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/HU/hungryjack20/IMG_1281_edit_2.64x64.jpg Dr. L's Avatar

    Dr. L

    Psychologist

    Satisfied Customers:

    349
    Licensed as a Psychologist and Marriage & Family Therapist.
  • http://ww2.justanswer.com/uploads/SU/suzmsw/2011-9-2_184634_Thisone.64x64.JPG Suzanne's Avatar

    Suzanne

    Therapist, LCSW

    Satisfied Customers:

    338
    Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
 
 
 

Related Relationship Questions