This is helpful. Thanks.
He accepts full responsibility and says he has been isolating himself. I asked him if there is any part of this that is my fault and he insists not.
He lost both parents within a year of each other (this happened in 2009/2010) and he has difficulty opening up about it. He says that this struggle has caused him to be in a funk lately. And that this is what caused him to act out. However, what he doesn't know yet is that I've discovered this activity has been going on for the past few years. Maybe it's related to his struggle, but maybe not. It could be a true addiction and he is looking for an excuse for it. In any event, I've stressed that I want him to talk to me about how he is feeling, and that I'm the one who loves him and wants to be consoling to him.
We did talk about the lack of closeness in our relationship. We talk about it frequently and he said it's been getting better for him. Yet, this activity continues, and he has no explanation for why.
He is very savvy and will figure out how to cover his tracks if he continues this. So I don't want him to know how I am accessing the information. I'm thinking that if I ask him to share his accounts with me that it will aid him in feeling as if he is addressing the problem. Even if it doesn't make me feel better or worse to be checking on him. But for now I plan to keep the key-logger software running and check in every few weeks without him knowing. Unfortunately I feel like I have to take this measure to truly know, because he can easily cover his tracks.
I want to heal things, but you're right, it's going to take a while. I feel sick every time I think about it. And I feel like I'm betraying myself when I try to let him close and try to forgive. It's truly a struggle for me.
Thanks for your further thoughts.