Thank you Kate,
Up until the last 4 weeks I felt like we were moving forward.. I now feel like it is backing up..These are her only children although young men at 22 and 24 they are her babies.. I can only imagine the feeling she is dealing with.. I love her so much and it eats at me every day..I can hardly stand the separation, but have been understanding and giving her the space she is asking for.
I have helped her with her menopause by giving her B6 and acting like a guardian and making sure she takes them. I no the cycle and can usually tell when she is going to be mean.. But this time it came after her period which through me off..
What would be the best way for me to respond to her acting out.. I have maintained my calm. I do not yell back or attempt debate..I do want to mention she did not include me in her last counseling session and refer'd to her next one as if I was not included.. Makes me feel like i'm being excluded..I'm only looking for little rays of light and am seeing darkness..
One of the best ways to deal with her acting out is to tell her that you care for her and understand she is going through a difficult time, but that you need to walk away for a bit. Then go into another room or take a walk until you feel she is calm enough to talk to you. You don't have to stay with her if she becomes abusive or out of control. You can be nearby and still be supportive. The key here is balancing her need for support with handling her acting out. And she needs to know that there are limits with how she treats you, no matter how badly she feels.
It is ok if she doesn't have you in her sessions all the time. She is going through a tough time and may need to focus on her coping skills right now. As she works them through, she may ask you back in to be a part of her healing. Give her time, she will get through this and be able to be there for you.
Thank you very much for the rating and bonus! I appreciate it.
My best to you and your girlfriend,
Hi Kate , some time has lapsed and some changes have taken place.. I am writing to you as you have the history already and I won't have to bring someone up to speed..
A lot has changed and thank you for your advice previous.. We got engaged in February .. All has been good.. But I have an issue and I want to make sure I deal with it correctly..
My fiances ex husband has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer he was given about 2 years with radiation therapy.. Now let me explain that this man made her life hell during and after there marriage per her. She now goes to visit him every week under the premise that it is to relay info to her sons.. I disapproved maybe wrongly but I feel like he is taking over her life again. She has started to not inform me that she is going and for all I know she could be communicating with him all the time ...Her sons can only call at certain times from prison so she coordinates the phone calls and goes to his side in the hospital so they can talk. I would not mind but he has the same ability to contact the boys as she does..
She has always told me how bad he was and controlling, He was mentally abusive during her marriage per her..
Should I just go along with this?, ask to be included?.or stand strong with my thoughts and feelings that he is just taking advantage of her yet again?.. I really need guidance here as I feel like I have alienated her on this issue.. Please note that I am ok with this being a new charge and a new question...