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Dr. D. Brown
Dr. D. Brown, Psychologist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 17
Experience:  21 years as Psychotherapist & Relationship Specialist
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I am talking with my exgirlfriend again. While people tell

Customer Question

I am talking with my exgirlfriend again. While people tell me that it won't work out i feel different about this time in our relationship. When we were first together we had a very sexual relation because we were so young. Now we are both more mature and i feel we both know where our lives are going so I feel good about this. We say we aren't in a relationship but all my friends say we are because we call each other babe and all those pet names related with relationships, plus we talk and text everyday. We aren't in the same city right now because I am 2 hrs away at my freshmen year of college and she is still in high school. My problem is that she still hangs with and talks to her ex boyfriend still. Her justifying reason is that he is her best friend at home. Which is true because they were talking as friends while we were together, which was almost 3 years ago that we first got in a relationship. After we broke up, she got with one guy and they broke up and then got with her best friend and then they broke up a month ago. The other day she told me that she went to his house and they hung out. This happened 2 days in a row. My biggest problem with this is that first she does text me at all when she was there and second is that she was just complaining about him talking crap about her to his friends last week and now she is hanging with him. Obviously it bothers me that she is hanging with her ex. But, I promised myself I would trust her. Am I overreacting or do i have a justified reason for being mad? What should I do or tell her about the situation?
Submitted: 4 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. D. Brown replied 4 years ago.

Dr. D. Brown :

Please allow me a moment to answer your question.

Dr. D. Brown :

Ok, I think I have a good understanding of the subject. Well, if you promised yourself that you would trust her, you should try to stick to that. It is natural that you might feel upset that she is hanging with her ex, but at this point she is communicating to you regularly and divulging everything, so she trusts you. Since you actually aren't boyfriend/girlfriend, but would like that to develop, I would continue to be her trusted friend who she confides in. This is the best way to develop a romantic relationship as it creates a great foundation through the friendship. I wouldn't say anything at this point, because you don't have an exclusive relationship with her and she may feel you are being too demanding. Friends don't tell friends who to hang out with. Just continue to earn her trust, and if she tells you she is getting re-involved with her ex, then you can decide if you want to talk to her about your feelings and having a romantic relationship with her. Since you are two hours apart, this may be something to think about and consider if a romantic relationship would even work. That is a personal decision- it works for some and not for others. So, in summary, it is natural to have these feelings, but discuss them with a friend, not her, for now. See what develops and go from there. I hope this helps. If you feel I have answered adequately, please rate my service as positive. If not, let me know what else you need. Thank you for the opportunity to be of service.

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