Thank you and you are a God send to me right now. Thank you. Words cannot express my gratitude.
I have no relationship with his mother. I don't think she was too fond of me because I was older than him and she thought I was trying to "pin him down and marry him at a young age". In reality I was doing the opposite, he wanted to get married immediately and start a family. I wanted to wait a few years for us to get married and become more settled with our careers. Anyway his relationship was his mother is really bad right now. When he first got relocated to get stationed in California two years ago (where he's originally from and where his family is) he would stay with his mother every weekend. He would talk to her daily. That's when I first noticed how susceptible he really was. He had told me since he was a kid he dreamed of being a police officer just like his father (the father that abused him) and that's all he ever wanted. When he started spending a lot of time with his mother, within weeks he said that being a cop was stupid and that they don't make any money. That that dream was ridiculous and childish and that he wanted to get his MBA, per his mother's suggestion. He became incredibly boastful and materialistic - just like his mother. He then told me that he didn't want to get married for at least another 8-10 years (his mother's suggestion, he was 24 at the time) and that his mind is set. Those are just a bit of examples of how much he changed with her. After he got out of the military he stayed with her and unfortunately he got into a huge car crash and was bed-ridden for a couple of months. Two months ago she kicked him out because she said that he was a grown man that needed to be on his own. This completely broke his heart and again he felt abandoned. He didn't have a place to live and he told her this, she said she didn't care and for him to figure it out. I didn't know this but he told me later that he slept in the storage unit he rented and in his car for about a month and he would cry all the time. Anyhow - his relationship with her is non-existent now. He told me that they're devastated that he thinks he's gay.
I wish you knew him. He's so headstrong. And once he believes something - there's no turning back. The only times he's changed his feelings about someone he loves was when they abandoned him (like his mother, brother, father and ex's that cheated on him) and then he shuts everyone out of his life. Now do you understand why he's petrified of women and getting his heart broken?
Wow look at you. Geez I'm shocked at how good you are! I'm serious. I've been in therapy before and it didn't help at all. You're so helpful. Do you see patients regularly? I would love to talk to you regularly about other stuff. Not this major but personal stuff.
You're absolutely right! He's seeking love from all the wrong places because the bond with his family is so broken. He literally MIRRORS his guy friends and family members and was obsessed with having their approval. That's what he's doing now with this gay guy. What do you suggest I tell him to hopefully open up his eyes a little as to why he's doing this but yet not come off judgmental nor like i'm scolding him nor lecturing him?