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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1851
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Customer Question

I was talking to my fiance last evening when he shared with me that he was getting a hair cut a few years ago when the lady cut his ear. It was more painful than cut. He got this angry look all over again on his face and stated how he then didnt tip her and that she was just lucky he didnt sue her. I have been so upset ever since. I am so disappointed in how he reacted to that situation and it bothers me terrible. She made a mistake and he was ready to sue her. I think thats terrible and bothers me so much. I could never feel this way EVER. Please advise as Im having a lot of trouble not thinking perhaps his values are not the same as mine.
Submitted: 2 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.

Deardebra : I know he mentioned he should have sued her, but I feel he was just v
Deardebra : venting because he didn't sue her.
Deardebra : He was just telling you a story about something that bothered im. He was angry over what happened if anything that is a bad experience for him. He was getting his hair cut and the hairdresser cut his ear. This is something where you would say was your ear ok? Also another question would be you must of been nervous to go get your haircut again? In situations like this you have to think about if it happened too you. I feel he was just venting telling a story and he would have never sued her.
JACUSTOMER-l3ooq3f4- :

I just felt that something so minor as a nip on the ear shouldnt bring such hostility out in someone and that bothered me. I am the product of an abusive parent and struggle with the lack of emphathy, compassion for others. I work in a oncologist clinic and see only people struggling everyday just to stay alive. Maybe I am just a bit sensitive to someone so quick to feel anger at another when it was just a mistake. Im sure that person felt horrible enough just making that mistake.

JACUSTOMER-l3ooq3f4- :

I was just very disappointed in his reaction to what seemed to me to be a human error.

JACUSTOMER-l3ooq3f4- :

And I suppose I see him acting in an apathetic manner more lately and its really getting to me.

JACUSTOMER-l3ooq3f4- :

Its seems like apathy, emphathy is part of your value system and not something that anyone can change about someone. When I point out to him things like the above that bothers me, he just looks at me like Im being a B...or crazy for how I feel. Doesnt ever want talk it through so I feel better. I walk away so frustrated and with a terrible feeling.

Deardebra : Your past has made you the person you are today. You truly care about people and everything you have been through has shaped. Who you are as person. I do feel people can change when it comes to caring about people. Some times people learn how to be sympathetc. Things that happen in life can either make people more caring and understanding ire something can alter ppeopk
Deardebra : peoples lives to make them cold leaving them less understanding. A lot has to do with how you are raised as well. People can grow up being raised kind and follow through as an adult kind. But people can also have a rough life and learn that they want to be a better person than how they were raised.
JACUSTOMER-l3ooq3f4- :

Deb is considered to be part of an individuals value system and if so---can two people make it together that seem so different in that area

JACUSTOMER-l3ooq3f4- :

I just reread what I wrote and didnt do so well on that first sentence. sorry.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 2 years ago.
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