As a contract engineer I had to go way from home to work in various cities in the country. Now I tried to come back to Melbourne but could not find work. I decided to retire early and did some studies to work part time. She is now earning more and feels like I have to be under control to make her money worthwhile.
I appreciated her financial contribution but feel losing control of my personal friends and interesting activities.
I thought there must be a better arrangement a she still wants to spend the rest of her life with me.
How do I turn the table in having an interesting lifestyle instead?
Is there anything that I should try or a strategy to embark upon.?
Just an example, she is doing all the cooking because she is very choosy and like to control.
Some time I said I do not need her to cook for me. This brings argument because she expects me to appreciate.
But I do need to have a say in what I eat. I used to cook for myself when away.
When we have no problems, she tries to create one so I cannot do my own things.
She is fancy with eating and does not let anyone cooking for her.
This is just one example. Now she does not let me drive. I am now just sit next to and be a navigator at times.
Very strong will. When i worked and earned more than her, it was not like that.
I was called to apply for a job in rural Queensland but I do not think it is good idea to go that far by myself. We live in Melbourne.
There must a better way for a good relationship.
I just feel being slowly put in a box that I do not want.
Thank Dr. Tom,
She will not move to another state. I had worked in Perth for 3 years commuting. However as the kids now live away, we need to stay together just in case something goes wrong with our health. It is my responsibility as well as hers.
Yes it is good to do something together. However she does not have a lot of non work actitivies except going to Gym and watch TV. I am more outgoing (extrovert), having friends, going to social dancing etc. She is more introvert and like to "direct" me her than "persuade".
Yes we are going overseas this summer (Australia) for 3 weeks. Hope that helps. Also I am trying hard to get a teaching job of some sort in Melbourne.
But how do I manage a person with strong "personality" without being "hurt" ? Feel bad at times
I am trying. Really I feel sorry that she is a litlle lonely outside the workplace and tried to help as much as possible.
Yesterday, when she called me out for dinner, I told her:
- If you think you do me a favour by cooking for me then don't do it because I cannot pay you back.
- I am going through a difficult period of my life now and cannot accept any more favour. I rather cook for myself and owe nobody this that aspect.
To my surprise, she turned around and said that she needed to eat dinner with me as a family. I said if you offered then I accept it but I wouldn't ask for it. It is a little comfort that I can have dinner with her on an equal footing.
But I still need to maintain some "rights" in the relationship. Please add some more options, strategies, tactics, hard, soft.