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Jen Helant
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience:  I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
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Should I end the engagement?

Resolved Question:

I have been seeing someone since March. In June, he proposed to me and I said yes. He did not give me the ring until August. Since then, I have found that I do not have the love for him that I used to have. There is one thing that I have to say, though. For a long time, I have been having more than professional feelings for my supervisor at work, which I do not wish to have. Deep down, I know that these feelings are affecting my relationship with my fiance. There are also some jealousy issues (he gets jealous). I don't know what to do. I am considering ending the engagement, but, not the relationship, as there have been times when we did enjoy each other's company. .

Submitted: 1 year ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
Hi,

I agree with you that you may want to hold off on the wedding until you are more sure. I would not recommend ending the relationship until you figure out your feelings. However, if you did want to tell him that you need some space that would you up to you. However, you may not want to stir concerns in him if you can get passed this fairly quickly.

See, when we get passed the "honeymoon" phase in our relationship it can tend to become more routine. This does not mean that the relationship is bad or you lost interest. It just means it is on another phase. As you stay together there are different phases, but through time you both can get closer with each other and get to another level that you may not have thought possible.

The feelings you have for your supervisor may or may not be just an infatuation. See anyone can catch our attention at anytime even when we are married, but it is important we are aware of this and able to determine when this occurs. This is because it is new and exciting, so many people get interested others and sometimes it can seem better than what we already have. The truth of the matter is if we truly love our parter we need to ignore these feelings and not allow them to ruin the good thing we already have. In time they really do go away. However, if you are not feeling like being with your fiancee regardless of this other man than that is more concerning and may be best to either end it or tackle the issues in the relationship depending your reasons.

All in all I think it is best you analyze how you are really feeling and why. Decide if you want to work through any issues you are having with your fiancee and if you would stay if it was not for this other guy. If you would then I would encourage you to focus on your fiancee and not feed into the feelings for this other person because it will pass. On the other hand if you are not interested any longer in saving the relationship with your fiancee even if this other man did not exist then it is best you separate or at least take time to have space in order to sort out your feelings.

In anycase you may want to postpone the wedding and take things slower. I wish you well, but please if you have any more questions or need clarification on anything I said please do not hesitate to ask.
Jen Helant, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1124
Experience: I have a degree in psychology and worked with many couples. I am happily married and have been for 10 years.
Jen Helant and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Expert:  Jen Helant replied 1 year ago.
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